Joy Comes In The Morning

Joy came to me this morning!  In the form of my dear friend!  She's a missionary in Costa Rica and she's in the states visiting over the next few weeks.

I was so surprised and happy to see her that I cried.  Oh my goodness... it was such a short and sweet visit at my work.  She introduced me to her Costa Rican mama and they just truly blessed my soul.  They both prayed over me and the anointing was unreal.  It was the first time that I was prayed over in 2 languages.  God is so amazing.

I still haven't had a chance to fully process the prayers over me and my family as work ramped up pretty much right after they left (well, after I got myself composed).  But the blessing lingered.  All of the hugs left their lovely perfume on me, after they left, as a gentle and sweet reminder of 2 beautiful souls that took time out of their short time to see me and pray for me.

She left me with lovely flowers and a note that said I was amazing!  Isaiah 43:1-3

Joy did come in the morning!  I love you sweet friend!

I Miss You Mom - Grief Never Ends

Grief Never Ends

Mom's prayer box

Both of my parents left me too young. My father passed away in 2006 at age 67. My mother passed away in 2010 at age 68. Losing my father was a shock, in many ways.  Particularly being present and holding his hand as he walked into the arms of Jesus.  But there was no time to grieve as my mom quickly moved her parents in with us and we became caregivers to them over the next few years. During that time, my mother's health situation dramatically declined and there I was again...holding the hand of my other parent as she walked into the arms of Jesus.

All too young to leave their granddaughters. But that's another sad story (well, 3 stories)

The granddaughters, from L to R Holly, Kelly, Kristen 2013 at Kelly's high school graduation

I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent. I know I am not the youngest person to lose a parent...but my grief is unique. I grieve differently than my brother and differently than my sister. And that's okay. My grief symptoms range from a teary eyed spell coming out of nowhere to crying for a while when I see a photo or remember a time in my youth. I get sick this time of year, almost every year. My immune system gets weakened. My grief symptoms change throughout the years but are still present, and that's okay.

If you are grieving, my heart goes out to you.  No one truly understands unless they have lost too.

I'm grateful for my support system that prays for me and lets me, be me, during this time. I'm grateful they still love me afterwards. Mostly, I am grateful to not be an orphan. Father God is always with me.  

Prayer for my family and me:  I pray that we will feel His love around us today and every day.  That He would strengthen us, give us His peace and rest, and protect our health and loved ones.  That He would encamp His angels around us.  I pray that we would daily express our gratitude to Him and how He's always there for us, blessed us, and taken care of us.  In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen!

Me and my dad in 1989 at my brother's wedding.  

My mom and me in 2009, just days after her 68th birthday.

Handmade Gifts

Have you ever received a handmade gift and been caught off guard a bit?

Not many of us may be sure how to receive such a gift.  It was well meant, but maybe not to one's taste or home decor.

My husband and I have taken time to create gifts for folks, really keep them in mind as we create them, give them, only to find, that it was well meant, but apparently not to their taste or decor.  We try to take it in stride But... just some thoughts on handmade items.

I made this blanket for friends of ours (who appreciated it by the way).

Blanket and photo by Tracy Hilbun

I knew I could get something off their baby registry within my budget, but these are good friends and people.  I wanted to take that budget and give more love.  So, I took the money that I would have spent on the registry and bought yarn, crochet hook, and my love and time.  Also, I prayed over that baby that I was preparing the blanket for.  So as I crocheted, I prayed.

If you have purchased soft yarn for baby items, you have noticed that yarn is not inexpensive.  Also, how do you put a price on someone's time?  Right now, my husband and I both commute about 70 miles, one way, to work.  So we spend roughly 3 hours of our day in the car, on top of our work day.  Because we get up at 4:30 am, we need to hit the sack pretty early.  We shoot for 8:30 pm.  Since we get home, on a day he isn't away working his 2nd and 3rd jobs, around 4:30 pm, that leaves a 4 hour window to walk and feed the dog, recover from sitting in the car and stressing over bad drivers, catch up on the day, cook and eat supper, and maybe some down time or house cleaning (yeah right).  Long story short, too late, we don't have much spare time where we're not kind of exhausted.  =)

How can you put a price on the time and the love going into hand made work? You can't.

You may have some friends that create handmade items as a business so they can be stay at home moms, save for retirement, make some extra money on the side because their kids are in day care or college, or they are artists and just need to create.  Not only is their work quality in skill and supplies, it's quality in heart.  It's also art!  They may have shared some of their art as gifts to you!

Now I hope you are looking forward to receiving some handmade gifts.

What handmade items do you make?  I'd love to see them!  Do you like giving them as gifts, like we do?

One of Those Days

Sigh...

Well, I listened to ziglar on my long journey home, walked Baby dog, got the chicken in the oven and took 20 minutes to sit and stare.

Sitting and staring is one of my favorite stress relievers. I reward myself from a worry filled and noisy day with silence and looking at beautiful things.

I end my staring and pray.

God is faithful. I'm so grateful for His love and grace.

Thank you Lord, that my future is in Your hands.

Photo by Tracy Hilbun

Pave a New Road - How To Simply Begin Making Positive Life Changes

How to "pave a new road"
A simple and light hearted approach to start making positive life changes.  

Stage 1:  Planning

• Do you need building upon? (What needs to change?)
• What are the real issues? (Procrastination, worrying, thriving on drama)
• Who will be affected by your project? (family, friends, co-workers)
• How will you begin your project? (jump right in, get a planner)
• How can your project be an asset to those around you? (Will your positive life changes improve your marriage, friendships, career)

Stage 2:  Design

• Location (situation),
• Soil (health),
• Possible future development,
• Effects on your surroundings (family, home, friends, co-workers, etc.)

Stage 3:  Earth (work)

• First, find a contractor (mentor, encourager, coach, physician).
• Next, bulldoze the dirt. (start detox from unhealthy habits, relationships, friendships, this may hurt, etc.)
• The "dirt" is sprayed with water and compacted to its maximum density (ouch).
• All of this work must pass strict inspections before the project can continue (how are you feeling?  what is improving? what's not working? you are your own gauge).
• Keep on working (exercise, supplements, journaling, podcasts, networking with like minded individuals, continue education)

Stage 4:  Paving

• The cost of continuing your project and maintaining the progress (exercise, organic food, counseling, time management, work/life balance)

The final steps are:

• Listen for positive reinforcement (compliments, encouragement)
• Landscaping around the road (dress up your progress and show it off),
• apply the permanent lane markings (make this your new lifestyle).

Loosely based on DOT instructions on how to pave a road but inspired by Dolly!  Thank you for the inspiration and now to get on to paving a new road!

Inadequate?

I don't think so!

II Corinthians 3:5  I am adequate for anything because my adequacy comes from God.

Amen!

Silent Treatment

Haven't blogged in a while.  Forgot how therapeutic it can be.  Life has become chaos and this can be a place I stop and focus.  Sorry for the silent treatment, but a lot of people are getting it from me too.

Since my mother went into the hospital in February, I have been unable to talk on the phone much.  Even with relatives.  It was difficult to say the same things over and over about my mother's worsening condition.  Thankfully my sister in NC made a few calls and loving relatives tag teamed for us.  The worst call I had to make was on Tuesday 3/9/10... I called my sister to let her know mom was gone....

Now phone calls are still difficult for me as I am an emotional basket case.  A simple "how are you" sets off uncontrollable tears.

Everyone is pretty much getting the silent treatment from me.  It doesn't mean that I don't love you.  The only person I am not silent with is God.  I gave Him the silent treatment when my father passed away.  I can't go back there.  He might be tired of hearing from me and want the silent treatment... nah!

Thank you all for your prayers and concern.  I am on a ride and I want to get off, but it won't slow down... I want to scream, but I remain silent.

Clearing My Head

It is freezing outside.  I really don't like the cold.  Extreme temperatures bother me period!  I would love to just get in the car right now and drive... It would help clear my head.  I tried earlier while walking the dog, but it was too cold and all I could think of was getting back in the warm house. 

I am waiting on Kelly right now too.  Don't know if I am picking her up or her friend's parents are bringing her home.  I really need to clear my head.  It is a jumbled up mess with so much going on right now.  Mom's chronic illness, her being sick right now on top of that.  I can't hook up with one of my best friends.  Our schedules are not meshing right now.  Upcoming deadlines with the dance company and getting back into Kelly's routine.  Is God trying to tell me something?  I feel God is trying to tell me many things right now, but my head isn't clear enough to understand.

My prayer tonight... Dear gracious Father, help me to put aside all of this mental and emotional clutter so I can hear You.  Only you, I am done with the lies of the enemy either in my head or through the mouths and actions of those around me.  I need you Daddy God.  Clear the distractions so my focus is where it should be, on YOU!  Help me to finish grieving my many losses and to finally get the tears out.  Holy Spirit, fill the holes in my spirit so I can give myself totally, and completely to the Lord.  I am ready to hear YOU!  I ask this in the mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!

Practicing His Presence

I need His presence to be very real.  I literally need to turn my head in His direction to talk to Him.  He hears me, He loves me.  He knows all of my days and all of my ways... and still loves me.  He is the center of my universe and my true love.  I am nothing without Him.  Today, tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that... I will be practicing His presence.  Is He real to you... do you feel Him?  He is right there.  Practice His presence.  Feel His peace, love, and protection in His presence.

Identity Crisis

Who am I?  I am Tracy, otherwise known as Kelly's mom.  Funny how we are identified by who we know, what we do, who we gave birth to, etc.  "You're Diane's daughter", "You are Dawn's sister", "You are a single mom"... Sometimes it is hard to remember who we really are.  Who are we really?  Our identity is ultimately found in Christ.  Who am I?  I am Tracy and in Christ, I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18), I am God's child (John 1:2).  Who are you?