Holiday Stress and the Little Drummer Boy

Holiday Stress and the Little Drummer Boy

Self-care can totally take a backseat during the holiday season.  There are many reasons why stress levels can be at a particular high this time of year:

·         Socializing more at holiday gatherings.
·         Eating off of the healthy nutrition plan during holiday gatherings and due to yummy cookie gifts.
·         Spending more money for food and gifts.
·         Sleeping less.
·         Being too tired to make exercise a priority.
·         Being even more obligated on an already tight schedule.
·         Being far away from family and friends during the holidays
·         Ministry events
·         Not spending quality time with the Lord

Have I struck a chord yet? 

I’m not going to suggest that we not celebrate the season.  I’m suggesting that we focus on His presence and to be corny… the “reason for the season”.  Try not to lose your discipline and routine in the hustle and bustle.  Here’s what I planned this holiday season:
·         Continue to spend time with the Lord and fill up on His love.
·         Not skip the exercise routine.
·         Stick to the healthy nutrition plan to avoid drinking straight from the chocolate fountain.
·         Know personal limits on time and not over commit.
·         Get to bed on time.

In the past, I would just kill myself over the holidays and I found I wasn’t really enjoying them at all.  What a huge loss that is!  I didn’t want that to happen this year.  Life happens but not being joyful is not an option for me nor is not celebrating this joyous season.  This season is hard for me with continued grief, weight struggles, injuries, exhaustion, other people’s stress and moods, on top of feeling guilty of not doing enough for others.  But I’m doing my BEST.  I’m doing my BEST to be grateful, set boundaries, and honor Him. 

At our staff Christmas party yesterday, our Coordinator reminded us that we have so many reasons to be filled with joy and to do our best for him.  He shared about the song “Little Drummer Boy” (and everyone’s love/hate relationship with the song).  I love it but it’s hard to listen to because it makes me cry.  I’m crying now thinking of it.  I can’t even watch the classic Claymation Christmas show about it.  I cry like a baby!  That boy was a poor boy too, his finest gift to bring was playing his drum, Mary nodded, he played his BEST for him, and Jesus smiled at him. 

Merry Christmas to you and remember to do your BEST to rest in the joy of the season and His glorious presence. 

Sometimes It Is Okay, To NOT Be Okay!

If you know me or have read most of my posts, follow me on social media, etc... you know that encouragement and positivity are my jams!  But let's keep it real folks.  Sometimes, even the most positive and happy person can get down.  Life can be rough sometimes.  What seems like not a big deal to others, is a big deal to the one it's happening to.  I think the world would be a much better place if we'd step out of ourselves and just be a bit more compassionate to our friends and loved ones PERIOD.  They may be facing struggles that we are not aware of.

This quote!!!

This quote was such an encouragement to me.  I was fearful that if I was honest about a recent (and TEMPORARY) dip in my spirits, that I would be a poor witness or seem like a negative Nancy.  I never got to the point of  "story of my life" dramatics... but I hit my wall!

Honest Confession:

I'm still struggling to overcome whatever made me sick earlier in 2018.  I still drive a long commute, like many folks, that just gets longer as time goes on and traffic increases.  In addition to the exhaustion from this mystery illness and drive; work on additional jobs and trying to keep the home running had taken its additional toll.  I showed up, put on the bravest face possible, and did my best to do my work in excellence.  

With continued "set backs" I felt like the avalanche, that had been trickling down for months and months, finally buried me.  It was not a good place to be.  And while it was happening to me, I was fully aware, that these were not major catastrophes but pile upon pile finally got to me.  

I can't really talk to anyone about it.  I might seem faithless or complainy and again my "piles" would be minuscule in another's opinion.  So what was I supposed to do?  

How I have been "handling" it:

Of course, I go to the Lord, but honestly, this may not always happen first.  The battle really starts in my head.  But after I get a grip, I pray, I let myself cry a bit, then if needed, I will share with a trusted friend and counselor.  I need the non judgement to share what is going on.   Here are a few scriptures that were shared with me to encourage me.  

Background photo by Tracy Hilbun. 

Created on Fontee app by Tracy Hilbun

The scriptures can put my heart at great ease. But seeking the Lord always puts me at peace.  

What's going on now:  

Since then, I moved forward and let my very small inner circle know I was struggling a bit,  I pretended I was fine for those that had struggles and needed me to be their friend.  I went through my house again and did some spiritual house cleaning as we do have visitors periodically and began to shake off that heaviness I was carrying.  I also began to take inventory. I'm in the process of downsizing.  Downsizing stuff in the house, all the jobs (side businesses don't bring me joy so why am I doing them?), my body (I've lost 14lbs since 10/1/19!), just anything that burdens me.  

I quit beating myself up.  It's okay to NOT be okay.  It's NOT okay to live there and not want to grow and move forward.  That's not healthy and I surely wouldn't be pleasant to be around if all I did was complain about my problems or share doom and dread.  

Things will never be perfect, but I see God's goodness and presence in ways that are personal to me.  I  had felt alone and like He even left me, but I knew better.  My emotions were getting the better of me.  For the truth is, He will never leave me nor forsake me.  

Encouragement:

Be encouraged friends.  Be YOU (the authentic you) but endeavor to be better.  Seek help if needed whether it's God, your mom, daughter, or sister, a trusted friend (not everyone around you or via social media), or your counselor and talk it out.  Find your growth areas and realize you may have been planted rather than buried.  Take care of yourself too.  Simple things like a proper healthy diet, clean water, and daily exercise, make a huge difference in your outlook.  

Have you recently been in a place where you felt buried and it took a while to understand you've been planted?  

What was your biggest encouragement to help you move forward?  A scripture? A quote? Talking to a friend?  Writing in your journal?  Please share below!  

  

Life Balance. Is it Even Possible?

But HOW???

Y'all life has just gotten a bit out of control busy for me lately.

It's my own fault.  After all, I control my day right? (insert little snicker here for the non independently wealthy rebel in me)

I'm weary but I'm not sure where to cut corners any more than I already have.

Do you ever feel like the things that you are busy with are non negotiable but yet you are drowning?

I mean like... I HAVE to work and I also have to work a few extra jobs right now.  My work includes a side business that I hope one day will replace one of my existing jobs so I only need to work at one job.    I struggle with letting go because I love my part time stuff and I enjoy what I'm doing so they don't always feel like work, but they do chip away at time.  Regardless, I like to eat and being a paycheck to paycheck couple, the extra work helps us eat!  =)

I get it, we all have the same 24 hours a day, but a few hours of sleep is just not enough anymore.  When I was in my late teens and early 20's, I could go to school in the morning, work in the afternoon, go back to night classes, stay up late studying, go to bed at 2 or 3am, get up at 6 or 7am and do it all over again... then work double shifts on weekends.    I also managed life working full time, as a single mom, with a busy dancing daughter (I was very involved in her dance company and booster club at school) and I came through only a little weary.  Now at almost 50, I'm just tired!  Ha ha.

Just to kinda keep it real on the budgeting time thing... I started writing this post on 1/29/19.  Today is 5/2/19!

Being a bit contrary to what I'm writing about, I'm happy to report that I squeezed into the schedule a much needed item.  Exercise.  Since November, I started getting up about 30 minutes earlier to make time for fitness of some sort.  I was trying to do this after work but my workload and workday changed a bit and I don't get home until after 6pm, sometimes closer to 7 now.  After we eat, it's about an hour and half shy of bed time or I need to work one of my extra jobs.  Fitness after work isn't an option right now.  BUT, I was shocked at how different exercise first thing in the morning changed my attitude toward exercise.  I was getting on the treadmill for like 50 minutes after work.  I'd get off the treadmill starving and even more exhausted than ever.  With doing shorter fitness time in the morning (20 minutes pilates, 20 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes treadmill, or 30 minutes callanetics), I found that yes, I'm still ready for breakfast almost immediately, but I'm not getting that super tired feeling anymore after exercising.  I still haven't discovered the (exercise makes me so happy) feeling but I might get there!  This was a necessity that I have fit in and isn't really a smart option to remove from the schedule.

So I really need to "tidy" up the schedule.  Hubby has since started a part time job at a state park.  This is great because we'll have a little extra income coming in the summer when the substitute teaching well is dry.  But it's one more thing on the schedule and he only gets those weekly... so planning ahead may be a challenge.

I KNOW I'm not the only one in this boat.   Not only am I physically tired, I'm tired of being too tired to enjoy things in most of my spare time or being too tired to even thing of what might be enjoyable in our spare time.

I miss being creative in the kitchen.  I love to cook and create new recipes and share them here, but the desire to get through the week in one pieces has overridden that creative spark in me.  The other issue I have faced which grieves me the most, is that although my almost 3 hours of the day, spent in the car to drive to work, are spent with Christian sermons, leadership podcasts, and only positive stuff... I miss having quiet time with the Lord.  How did I get THAT out of balance.  I mean, I'm with Him, and stop to pray often during my drive, but I've got to focus on the road too.  I do pray throughout the day, but I used to be a faithful journaler.  I'd get up every morning, sit in my prayer chair, read some scripture, then journal.

This is not a post that gives you the tips on how I've arrived at a perfect balance with life like everyone around me seems to have done.  This is actually a post that is asking for YOUR tips.    Maybe I'll get some good ideas from y'all and we can create a help post for other folks out there struggling with balance!

Things I've considered and tried

Using a Planner:
I need to actually utilize the planner that I purchase every year.  I was off to a good start, but April got lost.  I mean really lost!    Hubby and I plan to sit down this month and look at our schedules to make sure EVERYTHING is on there. (white space so we can be quiet and sit with the Lord, together time with no distractions, my spare jobs times, his time to work on his woodworking, my time to work on my business, his time to speak with his family, rest -(is it sad we need to put rest on our calendars?).  My problem.  I'm spontaneous and the planner has always seemed so stifling.  (reality... I'm not that organized).

Meal Planning:
Ordering ready made delivery meals for 1 or 2 days a week.  I think Freshly is one of the overpriced services that it's ready to pop in the microwave.  I don't want a meal kit.  I can prepare stuff on my own on days I have time.  Any recommendations here?  I do normally plan our meals ahead and cook larger meals to plan leftovers, but sometimes the week can run you more than you run it and that big meal gets delayed a day or two.  My ego is hard on this one too because I feel like it's a cop out since I do really enjoy cooking and I could take more of my 1 day off a week to work in the kitchen, but choose not to.  Although pricey, I think taking my 1 day off for a DAY OFF is a smarter use of that time.

Accountability:
Really sitting down with someone to find some order in the chaos and finding out what exactly my priorities and goals are.  If I drill down with someone, maybe I can find out what am I spinning my wheels on and what needs to be a keeper.  Right now everything seems like keepers.  I'm just finding I'm not physically capable of keeping it all without order.

Changing errand day:
I am blessed to work from home 1 day a week.  We've started disciplining ourselves to make that grocery shopping and errand night since once I finish work... I'm home and we have a few hours before supper to get some stuff done.  This has freed up our "off work" time so we aren't so worn out after Sunday to start the week.

That's all I've got!

YOUR turn!

Please help by commenting or emailing me.  

Maybe I should be taking my own advice!

10 Ways That I Manage Stress

The view from our deck.  I love to sit and stare at this view.  It's a great way for me to relieve stress!  Photo by me!

As Christmas quickly approaches it seems stress levels rise just as quickly!  Our pace quickens as the deadlines of multiple gatherings approach, gifts need to be purchased, and budgets are tight!  Or is this just me that gets even more stressed this time of year?

Well this year, I put my foot down on not stressing as much as possible.  How did we do that?  It wasn't easy for my husband who still hasn't ditched his people pleasing.  I on the other hand burned out and got physically sick this year, so I started setting boundaries and have quit trying to keep people liking me by making them happy.  While I'm in recovery from burn out, being a people pleaser, and being on a medication that depleted my potassium levels enough to display months of symptoms, I decided that I really don't care if people don't like me anymore because I am not making them happy.  I'm flipping tired! Hate to break it to everyone, but I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own. No one is breaking their neck and tiring themselves out to make me happy.  I wouldn't want them to #1, but #2... I'm responsible for my own happiness!  duh!

Okay... that sort of sounded like a rant.  Maybe it was.  But managing stress, the tail end of this year, started with me letting everyone know that I was NOT hostessing Thanksgiving or Christmas on the actual holidays.  Our kids weren't going to be able to come, so why should we be obligated to host unless we wanted to?  Especially when I was recovering.  Hostessing is not my gift so not only is cooking a beautiful meal tiring, cleaning tiring, but making sure everyone is enjoying themselves ridiculously tiring.  Let's not even talk about not having matching plates for more than 4 people, no cloth napkins and a few old stained tablecloths.  Getting the house cleaned when your husband leaves a dust cloud and a trail of clutter no matter where he goes.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

So wait... how am I managing stress as best as possible?  Here's a few practical tips that have helped me manage high stress.

1.  Eat well
I try not to stress my body out needlessly.  Eating well means that I keep my carb intake low (foods that turn to sugar), that I'm avoiding sugar and limiting alcohol and caffeine. LIMITING... don't go crazy not getting caffeine if you need it, just have your cup in the morning and limit any more caffeine intake the rest of the day.  It can raise blood pressure.  The same for alcohol.  Have a glass of wine, but too much can raise blood pressure and dehydrate the body.

2.  Get physical
Going for a walk, even just the 15 minute break walk at work really helps blow off steam.  I was so excited to get a treadmill at the Goodwill recently and I've been actually enjoying getting on the treadmill and old elliptical.  I actually got mad at my hubby yesterday because he had so many things for me to do and he didn't do the things I asked him to, so I had to do those too and didn't have enough time to get on the treadmill.  By the time I sat down and said, I need at least 15 minutes for me, it was 9:15 pm.  Very much too late to exercise.  You know what?  Not getting that little bit of physical movement in really set my mood sourly.  Ha ha.  Lesson learned (for both of us) that this is a very important stress management tool.

3.  Relaxation techniques 
Whatever works for you to relax, do it!  I need quiet sometimes.  Other times I need to be outside.  Some other times, I just need to sit next to my hubby and snuggle.  I need to not be shopping or around people in order to relax.  If reading relaxes you, or listening to music, or mediation please make sure you set aside a little bit of time every day or at least every other day to relax.    I personally don't think electronics count as relaxing time because the screen can actually be stimulating and can maybe create an undercurrent of stress.  Just do it!

4.  Supplementation 
Keeping my diet in check is a big part of maintaining good nutrition which helps me manage stress.  Another part is high quality supplementation.  I take plant based supplements.  If an acute stress need arises, I just take a little extra.

5.  Journal
I find writing and journaling therapeutic.  Hence, this blog.  But sometimes it needs to be private as to what is bothering me.  Putting it down in a notebook or a journal helps me process and go deeper to the root cause of what is bothering me.  It helps me pinpoint what I need to heal in my heart to move forward and get out of my stress state.

6.  Prayer
After I've pinpointed a root cause, prayer is where I can really get to my healing and feel better.  The peace of God really does surpass all understanding.  With this, reading devotionals and the Bible are amazing ways to destress.

7.  Just say "no"!
I'm serious.  I'm struggling with really putting the people pleasing to rest for good.  You know, you can follow the biblical principle of loving others above yourself but not drowning in works to please everyone.  Just stop it and say no to activities that you really don't have the time and energy for and worst yet, activities that you don't even like because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.  I promise they'll get over it if you can't go and your honest about why.  And if they don't get over it, then you don't need them.  God has more for you in the form of friends that are not energy and time vampires.  Just sayin'.

8.  Prioritize and manage time
Covey's time management matrix is a great way to break down your time to avoid burn out.  There are a ton of articles in Google and Pinterest to explain how to use it, but here's what it looks like:

9.  Talk to someone

If your mind is cluttered by stress, finding a trusted friend, co-worker, or professional to speak with may help.  I have a limited few that I can talk with, but my intention is to get myself in check.  These trusted friends will gently let me know if I'm out of line and lead me to where I need to be praying and seeking God.  If you do talk with someone, please ask them if they have time to talk to you about something, before you verbally vomit on them.  Those hearing of your stress are willing to help, but it can be tiring to them to hear what all is going on, so please be conscientious of their time and energy.  Also seek out those that you can trust to slap you upside the head if needed.  Sometimes our stress is self-induced and we just need to get ourselves off of our minds.  But if you are seriously stressed or in a depressive state, please see a doctor and speak with a professional.  There's no shame in getting help!

10.  Rest!

Once we learn to say "no" and manage our time, we can get much needed rest which will in turn, help us cope better with our stressors.  Turn off electronics early, turn off the tv and go crawl in bed with a good book or calming sounds.  Your body needs the quiet and rest.  

I hope this helps you out or at least distracted you long enough for your current stressors so you could relax a little.  I'm not a professional in any way but these activities have helped me a lot.  

What are some tips that help you de-stress?  Please share in the comments! 

5 Things I Do Before Bed on Work Nights

In an effort to save a portion of my sanity, I have created a routine on work nights, that helps save me time and stress in the mornings.

Since we've been married, I have always gotten up with honey and made his to-go coffee, packed his breakfast and lunch for the day, and made sure he gets a big kiss and an "I love you." as he walks out the door.

When we first got married, we were 7 miles from my work and about 15 miles from his work.  We complained then about how tired we were.  ha ha... We sure do miss those 15 and 30 minute commutes.  But we wouldn't trade our lovely foot hills home for the world right now.  Although we both drive about 70 miles each to our workplaces, my morning routine hasn't changed.  I still get up when he does to make his to-go coffee, pack his breakfast and lunch for the day and give him a big kiss and tell him that I love him as he walks out the door.

I think the drive makes getting up the hour earlier every day even more painful, so I've slowly gotten myself in a routine before we go to bed, that helps my morning stress and rush level immensely.  It's only a few things, but they help me considerably at 5:00 am.

1.  I prepare the coffee pot.  This saves a few minutes on filling the water filter pitcher, getting a coffee filter, scooping the filter and then hitting brew.  I simply come downstairs and push the button.  It would save me even more time if I could figure out how to use the timer on my coffee pot!  =)

2.  I get our to-go coffee cups ready by the Magic Bullet and set the collagen, butter, and coconut oil out so that I can quickly get our bulletproof coffee ready in a flash.

3.  I get our refrigerated lunch and snack items prepared.  Honey is so not picky and this helps me a lot.  So I can go ahead and put his cottage cheese in a container so it's ready for his dessert after lunch.  If we are having left overs or salads for lunch the next day, I go ahead and get those ready too.  I place all of honey's refrigerated items on one side of the shelf and mine goes on the other.  This way, I just have to scoop them out and put them in our bags in the morning and add the fridgy pack.

4.  I pack our 2 daily snacks and set them out on the counter if they don't need to be refrigerated, so I can jut put them in our lunch boxes in the morning.  (assembling snacks involves counting servings and measuring servings, so my patience level for that, in the morning, is low... plus it adds time to an already short time frame to get stuff ready).  I just need to assemble our sandwiches in the morning.  Since refrigerated bread is disgusting, I do not make sandwiches until the morning.

5.  I prepare our supplement packs.  We have very few prescription medications but I add some supplements to our daily routine, so I go ahead and get our supplement packs ready so I can also just toss that into our lunch boxes quickly, in the morning.

6.  Bonus Time Saver:  We used to be able to carpool at least once a week and that was the best time saver.  Now I do my makeup while my computer turns on at work.  I don't wear a ton of make up.  Just foundation, bronzer on my cheeks, eyeliner on my upper lid, mascara (one coat) and lipstick.  Make up is down to a 3 minute application.  But lipstick after breakfast.

Before:  I know this looks like chaos... but the refrigerator stuff won't be here in the morning and the rest of the counter is cleaned (in our lunch boxes) when we leave.  Organized Chaos... 

Well, maybe you'll find this helpful.  It's a discipline.  Sometimes I get busy reading, blogging, or working my home based business and forget to get everything prepared by our early bedtime and then I have to rush in the morning.  I usually regret that decision to not take the 5-10 minutes before bed to save me time and stress in the morning.

After!  =)

What have you found helpful to save time and stress in your morning routine?

One of Those Days

Sigh...

Well, I listened to ziglar on my long journey home, walked Baby dog, got the chicken in the oven and took 20 minutes to sit and stare.

Sitting and staring is one of my favorite stress relievers. I reward myself from a worry filled and noisy day with silence and looking at beautiful things.

I end my staring and pray.

God is faithful. I'm so grateful for His love and grace.

Thank you Lord, that my future is in Your hands.

Photo by Tracy Hilbun

Burnout vs. Stress article

handling stress to prevent burnout

Check out this article.  It's helping me distinguish where I am.

sorry not sure who to photo credit for this perfect shot

Clearing My Head

It is freezing outside.  I really don't like the cold.  Extreme temperatures bother me period!  I would love to just get in the car right now and drive... It would help clear my head.  I tried earlier while walking the dog, but it was too cold and all I could think of was getting back in the warm house. 

I am waiting on Kelly right now too.  Don't know if I am picking her up or her friend's parents are bringing her home.  I really need to clear my head.  It is a jumbled up mess with so much going on right now.  Mom's chronic illness, her being sick right now on top of that.  I can't hook up with one of my best friends.  Our schedules are not meshing right now.  Upcoming deadlines with the dance company and getting back into Kelly's routine.  Is God trying to tell me something?  I feel God is trying to tell me many things right now, but my head isn't clear enough to understand.

My prayer tonight... Dear gracious Father, help me to put aside all of this mental and emotional clutter so I can hear You.  Only you, I am done with the lies of the enemy either in my head or through the mouths and actions of those around me.  I need you Daddy God.  Clear the distractions so my focus is where it should be, on YOU!  Help me to finish grieving my many losses and to finally get the tears out.  Holy Spirit, fill the holes in my spirit so I can give myself totally, and completely to the Lord.  I am ready to hear YOU!  I ask this in the mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!