Sometimes It Is Okay, To NOT Be Okay!

If you know me or have read most of my posts, follow me on social media, etc... you know that encouragement and positivity are my jams!  But let's keep it real folks.  Sometimes, even the most positive and happy person can get down.  Life can be rough sometimes.  What seems like not a big deal to others, is a big deal to the one it's happening to.  I think the world would be a much better place if we'd step out of ourselves and just be a bit more compassionate to our friends and loved ones PERIOD.  They may be facing struggles that we are not aware of.

This quote!!!

This quote was such an encouragement to me.  I was fearful that if I was honest about a recent (and TEMPORARY) dip in my spirits, that I would be a poor witness or seem like a negative Nancy.  I never got to the point of  "story of my life" dramatics... but I hit my wall!

Honest Confession:

I'm still struggling to overcome whatever made me sick earlier in 2018.  I still drive a long commute, like many folks, that just gets longer as time goes on and traffic increases.  In addition to the exhaustion from this mystery illness and drive; work on additional jobs and trying to keep the home running had taken its additional toll.  I showed up, put on the bravest face possible, and did my best to do my work in excellence.  

With continued "set backs" I felt like the avalanche, that had been trickling down for months and months, finally buried me.  It was not a good place to be.  And while it was happening to me, I was fully aware, that these were not major catastrophes but pile upon pile finally got to me.  

I can't really talk to anyone about it.  I might seem faithless or complainy and again my "piles" would be minuscule in another's opinion.  So what was I supposed to do?  

How I have been "handling" it:

Of course, I go to the Lord, but honestly, this may not always happen first.  The battle really starts in my head.  But after I get a grip, I pray, I let myself cry a bit, then if needed, I will share with a trusted friend and counselor.  I need the non judgement to share what is going on.   Here are a few scriptures that were shared with me to encourage me.  

Background photo by Tracy Hilbun. 

Created on Fontee app by Tracy Hilbun

The scriptures can put my heart at great ease. But seeking the Lord always puts me at peace.  

What's going on now:  

Since then, I moved forward and let my very small inner circle know I was struggling a bit,  I pretended I was fine for those that had struggles and needed me to be their friend.  I went through my house again and did some spiritual house cleaning as we do have visitors periodically and began to shake off that heaviness I was carrying.  I also began to take inventory. I'm in the process of downsizing.  Downsizing stuff in the house, all the jobs (side businesses don't bring me joy so why am I doing them?), my body (I've lost 14lbs since 10/1/19!), just anything that burdens me.  

I quit beating myself up.  It's okay to NOT be okay.  It's NOT okay to live there and not want to grow and move forward.  That's not healthy and I surely wouldn't be pleasant to be around if all I did was complain about my problems or share doom and dread.  

Things will never be perfect, but I see God's goodness and presence in ways that are personal to me.  I  had felt alone and like He even left me, but I knew better.  My emotions were getting the better of me.  For the truth is, He will never leave me nor forsake me.  

Encouragement:

Be encouraged friends.  Be YOU (the authentic you) but endeavor to be better.  Seek help if needed whether it's God, your mom, daughter, or sister, a trusted friend (not everyone around you or via social media), or your counselor and talk it out.  Find your growth areas and realize you may have been planted rather than buried.  Take care of yourself too.  Simple things like a proper healthy diet, clean water, and daily exercise, make a huge difference in your outlook.  

Have you recently been in a place where you felt buried and it took a while to understand you've been planted?  

What was your biggest encouragement to help you move forward?  A scripture? A quote? Talking to a friend?  Writing in your journal?  Please share below!  

  

Life Balance. Is it Even Possible?

But HOW???

Y'all life has just gotten a bit out of control busy for me lately.

It's my own fault.  After all, I control my day right? (insert little snicker here for the non independently wealthy rebel in me)

I'm weary but I'm not sure where to cut corners any more than I already have.

Do you ever feel like the things that you are busy with are non negotiable but yet you are drowning?

I mean like... I HAVE to work and I also have to work a few extra jobs right now.  My work includes a side business that I hope one day will replace one of my existing jobs so I only need to work at one job.    I struggle with letting go because I love my part time stuff and I enjoy what I'm doing so they don't always feel like work, but they do chip away at time.  Regardless, I like to eat and being a paycheck to paycheck couple, the extra work helps us eat!  =)

I get it, we all have the same 24 hours a day, but a few hours of sleep is just not enough anymore.  When I was in my late teens and early 20's, I could go to school in the morning, work in the afternoon, go back to night classes, stay up late studying, go to bed at 2 or 3am, get up at 6 or 7am and do it all over again... then work double shifts on weekends.    I also managed life working full time, as a single mom, with a busy dancing daughter (I was very involved in her dance company and booster club at school) and I came through only a little weary.  Now at almost 50, I'm just tired!  Ha ha.

Just to kinda keep it real on the budgeting time thing... I started writing this post on 1/29/19.  Today is 5/2/19!

Being a bit contrary to what I'm writing about, I'm happy to report that I squeezed into the schedule a much needed item.  Exercise.  Since November, I started getting up about 30 minutes earlier to make time for fitness of some sort.  I was trying to do this after work but my workload and workday changed a bit and I don't get home until after 6pm, sometimes closer to 7 now.  After we eat, it's about an hour and half shy of bed time or I need to work one of my extra jobs.  Fitness after work isn't an option right now.  BUT, I was shocked at how different exercise first thing in the morning changed my attitude toward exercise.  I was getting on the treadmill for like 50 minutes after work.  I'd get off the treadmill starving and even more exhausted than ever.  With doing shorter fitness time in the morning (20 minutes pilates, 20 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes treadmill, or 30 minutes callanetics), I found that yes, I'm still ready for breakfast almost immediately, but I'm not getting that super tired feeling anymore after exercising.  I still haven't discovered the (exercise makes me so happy) feeling but I might get there!  This was a necessity that I have fit in and isn't really a smart option to remove from the schedule.

So I really need to "tidy" up the schedule.  Hubby has since started a part time job at a state park.  This is great because we'll have a little extra income coming in the summer when the substitute teaching well is dry.  But it's one more thing on the schedule and he only gets those weekly... so planning ahead may be a challenge.

I KNOW I'm not the only one in this boat.   Not only am I physically tired, I'm tired of being too tired to enjoy things in most of my spare time or being too tired to even thing of what might be enjoyable in our spare time.

I miss being creative in the kitchen.  I love to cook and create new recipes and share them here, but the desire to get through the week in one pieces has overridden that creative spark in me.  The other issue I have faced which grieves me the most, is that although my almost 3 hours of the day, spent in the car to drive to work, are spent with Christian sermons, leadership podcasts, and only positive stuff... I miss having quiet time with the Lord.  How did I get THAT out of balance.  I mean, I'm with Him, and stop to pray often during my drive, but I've got to focus on the road too.  I do pray throughout the day, but I used to be a faithful journaler.  I'd get up every morning, sit in my prayer chair, read some scripture, then journal.

This is not a post that gives you the tips on how I've arrived at a perfect balance with life like everyone around me seems to have done.  This is actually a post that is asking for YOUR tips.    Maybe I'll get some good ideas from y'all and we can create a help post for other folks out there struggling with balance!

Things I've considered and tried

Using a Planner:
I need to actually utilize the planner that I purchase every year.  I was off to a good start, but April got lost.  I mean really lost!    Hubby and I plan to sit down this month and look at our schedules to make sure EVERYTHING is on there. (white space so we can be quiet and sit with the Lord, together time with no distractions, my spare jobs times, his time to work on his woodworking, my time to work on my business, his time to speak with his family, rest -(is it sad we need to put rest on our calendars?).  My problem.  I'm spontaneous and the planner has always seemed so stifling.  (reality... I'm not that organized).

Meal Planning:
Ordering ready made delivery meals for 1 or 2 days a week.  I think Freshly is one of the overpriced services that it's ready to pop in the microwave.  I don't want a meal kit.  I can prepare stuff on my own on days I have time.  Any recommendations here?  I do normally plan our meals ahead and cook larger meals to plan leftovers, but sometimes the week can run you more than you run it and that big meal gets delayed a day or two.  My ego is hard on this one too because I feel like it's a cop out since I do really enjoy cooking and I could take more of my 1 day off a week to work in the kitchen, but choose not to.  Although pricey, I think taking my 1 day off for a DAY OFF is a smarter use of that time.

Accountability:
Really sitting down with someone to find some order in the chaos and finding out what exactly my priorities and goals are.  If I drill down with someone, maybe I can find out what am I spinning my wheels on and what needs to be a keeper.  Right now everything seems like keepers.  I'm just finding I'm not physically capable of keeping it all without order.

Changing errand day:
I am blessed to work from home 1 day a week.  We've started disciplining ourselves to make that grocery shopping and errand night since once I finish work... I'm home and we have a few hours before supper to get some stuff done.  This has freed up our "off work" time so we aren't so worn out after Sunday to start the week.

That's all I've got!

YOUR turn!

Please help by commenting or emailing me.  

Maybe I should be taking my own advice!