Last night, I was awakened around 3am. I slept so hard until then, I just couldn't get back to sleep. My body must have gotten all of the rest it needed! I am doing great today though, but I totally had an imaginary conversation with the world about 2 of my keys to "happiness". Doesn't everyone else have deep conversations in the wee hours of the morning? ha ha. The conversation was so real, I went downstairs and grabbed my laptop.
I put happiness in quotes because, I feel that rather than pursuing the more shallow feeling of happiness, we should be pursuing the deeper state of Joy!
What's the difference? It's pretty simple. Happy means feeling pleasure. Joy means feeling great pleasure. What does that word great mean in that definition of Joy? It means an intensity that is considerably above normal.
Gets one thinking a little. Okay, it got me to thinking.
The following is my opinion based on my personal experiences, situations, and thoughts.
What I have experienced about happiness:
- It's temporary - I'm having a great day, the kid got ready on time, my husband put the toilet seat down, the sun is out, I didn't have any challenging phone calls at work, traffic was light, my husband cooked dinner and cleaned up, I got into bed on time. (if you know my husband, you know 1 part of this is totally made up for impact. Ha ha!)
- It's quick to flee - Well, crap, I was having such a good day and I was so happy but then this happened. Why does this always happen to me?
- It's dependent on others or circumstances - today sucked! The kid was mouthy, my husband got toothpaste all over our shared sink, it's raining, I had one of those phone calls at work that makes you want to cry, there was an accident and delayed me getting home, my husband forgot to pick up supper since I was running late, I couldn't sleep because I had such a horrible day.
What I have experienced about joy:
- It's eternal - The joy of the Lord is my strength. I started my day not only with the blessing of coffee, but I utilized my long commute to hear the word of God. I am strengthened to face whatever this day holds.
- It's consistent - Wow, I really prefer sunshine over all of this rain, but I sure had a wonderful phone call today with one of my clients. Even though the subject matter was tough, I was encouraged by their fortitude in the situation. I'm so grateful for my job. Even though some days are hard, I'm here for a reason.
- It's dependent on oneself regardless of outward appearances or circumstances - Today sure didn't go as planned. Yipes! But I am so grateful for those little moments that made me smile. Like when my hubby sent me a text that said, "good morning beautiful, I love you". I was also pretty grateful that it wasn't me in that accident this morning. I pray those folks are okay.
These are some pretty superficial examples, but I think it gives you an idea of where I'm going. I've been happy and unhappy based on my circumstance. But then self realization kicked in. I didn't want to be repellent to people. I love people. I also didn't want to make myself feel so miserable. Reliving what was going wrong and playing the oh! woe is me soundtrack was annoying even to me.
- Yes, I was a single mom for most of my daughter's life.
- Yes, I was in chronic, untreatable and unbearable pain.
- Yes, I was grieving.
- Yes, I was in a financial dire straights.
- Yes, I still needed more counseling and healing from past wounds.
But was it the fault of those around me? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why should they be miserable too? Was it fair to others for me to unload the same garbage every day. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was it considerate and loving of me to put so much pressure on those around me to make me happy? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was that behavior helpful? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where I started to change.
I realized I was a miserable cow. I was literally making myself miserable by my stinking thinking.
I weaned myself off of medications that were not helping me and forced myself to learn how to cope! I was determined to not live a life based on others behavior or my circumstances to make me happy, but to live a life that was full of joy. I also wanted that deep joy to be apparent to those around me. I didn't want to be fake as life can throw you some curve balls, but I didn't want to take the whole world down with me. I wanted to light up a room when I came in, not when I left.
It took work and time. But I was DETERMINED to change for the better and be healthy emotionally and physically. Of course for my sake, but also for those around me. My daughter needed a healthy mom.
I found 2 main keys to making joy a goal rather than just happiness.
Are you ready? You are going to die on how just 2 things made such a major difference for me.
1. Understanding the difference and becoming a Christ FOLLOWER rather than just a Christ believer!
2. Being GRATEFUL
That's it!
Okay, those are the keys I found... but how did I use them practically? I'm so glad you asked!
1. The Lord saw fit to move my husband and I pretty far from where I currently work. I have a pretty long commute and I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts and youtube. I began not only listening to sermons and teachings on the way to work, but I am a small business owner and I started listening to podcasts related to business, positive mindset, and spiritual and personal growth. I am now officially a spiritual and personal growth junkie! (not ashamed). But this helped me understand that the way I treat people, the way I act, how I respond is a WITNESS for Christ. I am so honored to be an ambassador for Jesus, I didn't want my life to be a poor witness of Christ by pouting, pity parties, etc. I mean, being an unhappy Christian to me seems like a contradiction. Hello!!! I've been saved. Woo hoo!!!!! I choose to try to follow His teachings daily, not just on Sunday morning.
2. Being grateful: I used this blog initially as a tool for my gratitude journey. I would recap the week with a gratitude challenge and post it publicly. I would sit down and make sure I found at least 5 things from the week that I was grateful for. No one really read it, sand I didn't care. The Gratitude Challenge was personal and I realized quickly we live in a very ungrateful world. That's a challenge in itself. I have since deleted my old gratitude challenges but not because no one ever read them or because I didn't know if I ever encouraged anyone. I deleted them because my personal gratitude challenge had now become part of my lifestyle. Gratitude was no longer a challenge and has legit helped me find JOY in my life's journey. Sharing my gratitude for others is a bonus key. I will thank you left and right and up and down if you even slightly helped or encouraged me. I hope I don't embarrass people. It's just my nature now. So, sorry, NOT sorry!
I need to add that I am not perfect and sometimes there are moments in life where my joy is challenged. I have found that I can shake it fairly pretty quickly but it's a matter of me personally going back to my gratitude habit, seeking the Lord in prayer, and understanding that there is a purpose in all things that happen. Taking that step back to look at challenges this way may take me a little longer at times, but I eventually get there.
My happiness is truly and inside job and I'm the one responsible to do that job. It's based on my heart and my heart attitude. When my heart is in a healthy place, I find rest and strength in a joyful life. I love my life. I'm so grateful for it. I'm so grateful for circumstances that have forced me to seek God and grow. In that growth I found strength and handled things that I thought I never could! Have I mentioned that I'm grateful?
YOUR turn.
Are you a happy or joyful person?
What are some keys that you found to help you find joy?
I'm always looking for ways to grow, so PLEASE SHARE in the comments.
I'd love to hear from you!
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