New Year's Resolutions or an Alternative Plan

Happy Day One!

Ah, yes... it's that time of year... NEW YEAR's RESOLUTIONS... to resolute or not to resolute!

According to Psychology Today,  an estimated 88-92 percent of new year's resolutions fail!  That's pretty striking when most new year's resolutions are usually a decision to stick with something we should be doing anyway... like eating healthy and exercising, growing intellectually or spiritually, paying off our debt, etc.

But I've heard rumblings of alternate plans for New Year's Resolutions so a failure isn't an option. I've also heard rumblings of flat out refusal to commit to a change for the better during the upcoming year.

I'm in full support of what you decide but can I try to encourage you in the direction of appreciating your worth and taking some steps toward positive change and growth?  Go ahead and stop right here, if you are satisfied with a life of simply converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Below are some alternate plans I presented for 2019.  Plans to help us know our value and live our lives to our fullest potential for ourselves and those around us. 

Seriously, no one likes hanging around O2 converters.  Just sayin'.

1.  Plan some positive goals but in smaller chunks of time this year.  Like for every season, there's a new goal or a new goal for each new month... Here's a seasonal example.

• Winter:  Start a gratitude journal
• Spring:  Start expressing your gratitude for others actually to them!
• Summer:  Start a photo journal of fun times with your family and friends.  I know we have busy schedules and this might be limited to a funny joke on the way to cheer camp, but do it anyway.
• Fall:  Go outside as much as possible.  If you have allergies, take your zyrtec and go play.  Chances are you are suffering inside, so you might as well enjoy the outside too!

Get creative with some goals related to how you want to change, ways to be creative, or just making time for you!  Self care is highly under utilized.

2. Focus on those you really value or find joy in being around and love on them intentionally this year.  We've all got those folks in our lives that have just been there forever... but you've outgrown them or interests have changed.  No longer are they an investment in your growth and life.  They are just making withdrawals that you cannot afford.  Make a list of those worth your valuable time investment.  Then find ways to spend time with them.  This doesn't need to be a huge investment of time to show your appreciation to these folks. (this includes your family)

• A monthly dinner outing (not the quick drive thru or fast meal before a game or church)  A time to celebrate each other and share a casual and delicious meal.  This doesn't have to be at a fancy place either.  Honey and I have great breakfast dates at the Huddle House!  
• A coffee or a lunch date (an hour of your life once a quarter or once a month)
• Taking a walk at break time with work friend.   

3.  Think about things you used to do and DO THEM this year!

•  Did you used to be really into art or photography?  Take a community class.  You can find help with the kids, if you have them and offer to help in return so your helper can take classes too.  Encourage them to do things they love!  
• Did you used to ballroom dance?  Go find a ballroom club and waltz away some extra stress and/or pounds
• Did you used to love to lift weights or jazzercise?  Join a gym!  A lot of clubs let you sign up for $1 in January for maybe a 3 month commitment after that.  Go for it!

4.  Focus on your health and wellness this year

Don't let your health (physical and mental) go.  You've only got one body to live in and you have loved ones that truly want to enjoy a long and full life with you.  

• See your doctor regularly so they can monitor changes to your baseline health.   
• take quality supplements
• eat whole, clean, and monitor your portions.
• cut out sugar and drive thru food as much as possible 
• drink lots of water
• MOVE! (I don't mean move to a new city {unless that is needed for your better health})
• Minimize stress and find ways to manage and cope with stress
• eliminate bad habits (excess drinking, smoking, laziness, complaining)
• Pray and/or meditate.  Make time to be still and quiet and really listen.  

These are just a few ideas to set yourself up for rocking 2020! 

Feel free to share some of your New Year's resolutions or alternative plans for 2020 in the comments.  

I'd love to cheer you on!

Happiness Really IS an Inside Job

Last night, I was awakened around 3am.  I slept so hard until then, I just couldn't get back to sleep.  My body must have gotten all of the rest it needed!  I am doing great today though, but I totally had an imaginary conversation with the world about 2 of my keys to "happiness".  Doesn't everyone else have deep conversations in the wee hours of the morning?  ha ha.  The conversation was so real, I went downstairs and grabbed my laptop. 

I put happiness in quotes because, I feel that rather than pursuing the more shallow feeling of happiness, we should be pursuing the deeper state of Joy!

What's the difference?  It's pretty simple.  Happy means feeling pleasure.  Joy means feeling great pleasure.  What does that word great mean in that definition of Joy?  It means an intensity that is considerably above normal.

Gets one thinking a little.  Okay, it got me to thinking.

The following is my opinion based on my personal experiences, situations, and thoughts.

What I have experienced about happiness:

• It's temporary - I'm having a great day, the kid got ready on time, my husband put the toilet seat down, the sun is out, I didn't have any challenging phone calls at work, traffic was light, my husband cooked dinner and cleaned up, I got into bed on time.  (if you know my husband, you know 1 part of this is totally made up for impact.  Ha ha!)
• It's quick to flee - Well, crap, I was having such a good day and I was so happy but then this happened.  Why does this always happen to me?
• It's dependent on others or circumstances -  today sucked!  The kid was mouthy, my husband got toothpaste all over our shared sink, it's raining, I had one of those phone calls at work that makes you want to cry, there was an accident and delayed me getting home, my husband forgot to pick up supper since I was running late, I couldn't sleep because I had such a horrible day.

What I have experienced about joy:

• It's eternal - The joy of the Lord is my strength.  I started my day not only with the blessing of coffee, but I utilized my long commute to hear the word of God.  I am strengthened to face whatever this day holds.
• It's consistent - Wow, I really prefer sunshine over all of this rain, but I sure had a wonderful phone call today with one of my clients.  Even though the subject matter was tough, I was encouraged by their fortitude in the situation.  I'm so grateful for my job.  Even though some days are hard, I'm here for a reason.  
• It's dependent on oneself regardless of outward appearances or circumstances - Today sure didn't go as planned.  Yipes!  But I am so grateful for those little moments that made me smile.  Like when my hubby sent me a text that said, "good morning beautiful, I love you".  I was also pretty grateful that it wasn't me in that accident this morning.  I pray those folks are okay.  

These are some pretty superficial examples, but I think it gives you an idea of where I'm going.  I've been happy and unhappy based on my circumstance.  But then self realization kicked in.  I didn't want to be repellent to people.  I love people.  I also didn't want to make myself feel so miserable.  Reliving what was going wrong and playing the oh! woe is me soundtrack was annoying even to me. 

• Yes, I was a single mom for most of my daughter's life.  
• Yes, I was in chronic, untreatable and unbearable pain.  
• Yes, I was grieving.  
• Yes, I was in a financial dire straights.  
• Yes, I still needed more counseling and healing from past wounds.  

But was it the fault of those around me?  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why should they be miserable too?  Was it fair to others for me to unload the same garbage every day.  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Was it considerate and loving of me to put so much pressure on those around me to make me happy?  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was that behavior helpful?  NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Where I started to change.  

I realized I was a miserable cow.  I was literally making myself miserable by my stinking thinking.  

I weaned myself off  of medications that were not helping me and forced myself to learn how to cope!  I was determined to not live a life based on others behavior  or my circumstances to make me happy, but to live a life that was full of joy.  I also wanted that deep joy to be apparent to those around me.  I didn't want to be fake as life can throw you some curve balls, but I didn't want to take the whole world down with me.  I wanted to light up a room when I came in, not when I left.   

It took work and time.  But I was DETERMINED to change for the better and be healthy emotionally and physically.  Of course for my sake, but also for those around me.  My daughter needed a healthy mom.

I found 2 main keys to making joy a goal rather than just happiness.

Are you ready?  You are going to die on how just 2 things made such a major difference for me.

1. Understanding the difference and becoming a Christ FOLLOWER rather than just a Christ believer!

2.  Being GRATEFUL

That's it!  

Okay, those are the keys I found... but how did I use them practically?  I'm so glad you asked!

1.  The Lord saw fit to move my husband and I pretty far from where I currently work.  I have a pretty long commute and I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts and youtube.  I began not only listening to sermons and teachings on the way to work, but I am a small business owner and I started listening to podcasts related to business, positive mindset, and spiritual and personal growth.  I am now officially a spiritual and personal growth junkie!  (not ashamed).  But this helped me understand that the way I treat people, the way I act, how I respond is a WITNESS for Christ.  I am so honored to be an ambassador for Jesus, I didn't want my life to be a poor witness of Christ by pouting, pity parties, etc.  I mean, being an unhappy Christian to me seems like a contradiction.  Hello!!!  I've been saved.  Woo hoo!!!!!  I choose to try to follow His teachings daily, not just on Sunday morning.

2.  Being grateful:  I used this blog initially as a tool for my gratitude journey.  I would recap the week with a gratitude challenge and post it publicly.  I would sit down and make sure I found at least 5 things from the week that I was grateful for.  No one really read it, sand I didn't care.  The Gratitude Challenge was personal and I realized quickly we live in a very ungrateful world.  That's a challenge in itself.  I have since deleted my old gratitude challenges but not because no one ever read them or because I didn't know if I ever encouraged anyone.  I deleted them because my personal gratitude challenge had now become part of my lifestyle.  Gratitude was no longer a challenge and has legit helped me find JOY in my life's journey.  Sharing my gratitude for others is a bonus key.  I will thank you left and right and up and down if you even slightly helped or encouraged me.  I hope I don't embarrass people.  It's just my nature now.  So, sorry, NOT sorry! 

I need to add that I am not perfect and sometimes there are moments in life where my joy is challenged.  I have found that I can shake it fairly pretty quickly but it's a matter of me personally going back to my gratitude habit, seeking the Lord in prayer, and understanding that there is a purpose in all things that happen.  Taking that step back to look at challenges this way may take me a little longer at times, but I eventually get there.

My happiness is truly and inside job and I'm the one responsible to do that job.  It's based on my heart and my heart attitude.  When my heart is in a healthy place, I find rest and strength in a joyful life.  I love my life.  I'm so grateful for it.  I'm so grateful for circumstances that have forced me to seek God and grow.  In that growth I found strength and handled things that I thought I never could!  Have I mentioned that I'm grateful?

YOUR turn.  

Are you a happy or joyful person?  

What are some keys that you found to help you find joy?  

I'm always looking for ways to grow, so PLEASE SHARE in the comments.  

I'd love to hear from you!

I Miss You Mom - Grief Never Ends

Grief Never Ends

Mom's prayer box

Both of my parents left me too young. My father passed away in 2006 at age 67. My mother passed away in 2010 at age 68. Losing my father was a shock, in many ways.  Particularly being present and holding his hand as he walked into the arms of Jesus.  But there was no time to grieve as my mom quickly moved her parents in with us and we became caregivers to them over the next few years. During that time, my mother's health situation dramatically declined and there I was again...holding the hand of my other parent as she walked into the arms of Jesus.

All too young to leave their granddaughters. But that's another sad story (well, 3 stories)

The granddaughters, from L to R Holly, Kelly, Kristen 2013 at Kelly's high school graduation

I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent. I know I am not the youngest person to lose a parent...but my grief is unique. I grieve differently than my brother and differently than my sister. And that's okay. My grief symptoms range from a teary eyed spell coming out of nowhere to crying for a while when I see a photo or remember a time in my youth. I get sick this time of year, almost every year. My immune system gets weakened. My grief symptoms change throughout the years but are still present, and that's okay.

If you are grieving, my heart goes out to you.  No one truly understands unless they have lost too.

I'm grateful for my support system that prays for me and lets me, be me, during this time. I'm grateful they still love me afterwards. Mostly, I am grateful to not be an orphan. Father God is always with me.  

Prayer for my family and me:  I pray that we will feel His love around us today and every day.  That He would strengthen us, give us His peace and rest, and protect our health and loved ones.  That He would encamp His angels around us.  I pray that we would daily express our gratitude to Him and how He's always there for us, blessed us, and taken care of us.  In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen!

Me and my dad in 1989 at my brother's wedding.  

My mom and me in 2009, just days after her 68th birthday.