Holiday Stress and the Little Drummer Boy

Holiday Stress and the Little Drummer Boy

Self-care can totally take a backseat during the holiday season.  There are many reasons why stress levels can be at a particular high this time of year:

·         Socializing more at holiday gatherings.
·         Eating off of the healthy nutrition plan during holiday gatherings and due to yummy cookie gifts.
·         Spending more money for food and gifts.
·         Sleeping less.
·         Being too tired to make exercise a priority.
·         Being even more obligated on an already tight schedule.
·         Being far away from family and friends during the holidays
·         Ministry events
·         Not spending quality time with the Lord

Have I struck a chord yet? 

I’m not going to suggest that we not celebrate the season.  I’m suggesting that we focus on His presence and to be corny… the “reason for the season”.  Try not to lose your discipline and routine in the hustle and bustle.  Here’s what I planned this holiday season:
·         Continue to spend time with the Lord and fill up on His love.
·         Not skip the exercise routine.
·         Stick to the healthy nutrition plan to avoid drinking straight from the chocolate fountain.
·         Know personal limits on time and not over commit.
·         Get to bed on time.

In the past, I would just kill myself over the holidays and I found I wasn’t really enjoying them at all.  What a huge loss that is!  I didn’t want that to happen this year.  Life happens but not being joyful is not an option for me nor is not celebrating this joyous season.  This season is hard for me with continued grief, weight struggles, injuries, exhaustion, other people’s stress and moods, on top of feeling guilty of not doing enough for others.  But I’m doing my BEST.  I’m doing my BEST to be grateful, set boundaries, and honor Him. 

At our staff Christmas party yesterday, our Coordinator reminded us that we have so many reasons to be filled with joy and to do our best for him.  He shared about the song “Little Drummer Boy” (and everyone’s love/hate relationship with the song).  I love it but it’s hard to listen to because it makes me cry.  I’m crying now thinking of it.  I can’t even watch the classic Claymation Christmas show about it.  I cry like a baby!  That boy was a poor boy too, his finest gift to bring was playing his drum, Mary nodded, he played his BEST for him, and Jesus smiled at him. 

Merry Christmas to you and remember to do your BEST to rest in the joy of the season and His glorious presence. 

Life Balance. Is it Even Possible?

But HOW???

Y'all life has just gotten a bit out of control busy for me lately.

It's my own fault.  After all, I control my day right? (insert little snicker here for the non independently wealthy rebel in me)

I'm weary but I'm not sure where to cut corners any more than I already have.

Do you ever feel like the things that you are busy with are non negotiable but yet you are drowning?

I mean like... I HAVE to work and I also have to work a few extra jobs right now.  My work includes a side business that I hope one day will replace one of my existing jobs so I only need to work at one job.    I struggle with letting go because I love my part time stuff and I enjoy what I'm doing so they don't always feel like work, but they do chip away at time.  Regardless, I like to eat and being a paycheck to paycheck couple, the extra work helps us eat!  =)

I get it, we all have the same 24 hours a day, but a few hours of sleep is just not enough anymore.  When I was in my late teens and early 20's, I could go to school in the morning, work in the afternoon, go back to night classes, stay up late studying, go to bed at 2 or 3am, get up at 6 or 7am and do it all over again... then work double shifts on weekends.    I also managed life working full time, as a single mom, with a busy dancing daughter (I was very involved in her dance company and booster club at school) and I came through only a little weary.  Now at almost 50, I'm just tired!  Ha ha.

Just to kinda keep it real on the budgeting time thing... I started writing this post on 1/29/19.  Today is 5/2/19!

Being a bit contrary to what I'm writing about, I'm happy to report that I squeezed into the schedule a much needed item.  Exercise.  Since November, I started getting up about 30 minutes earlier to make time for fitness of some sort.  I was trying to do this after work but my workload and workday changed a bit and I don't get home until after 6pm, sometimes closer to 7 now.  After we eat, it's about an hour and half shy of bed time or I need to work one of my extra jobs.  Fitness after work isn't an option right now.  BUT, I was shocked at how different exercise first thing in the morning changed my attitude toward exercise.  I was getting on the treadmill for like 50 minutes after work.  I'd get off the treadmill starving and even more exhausted than ever.  With doing shorter fitness time in the morning (20 minutes pilates, 20 minutes elliptical, 30 minutes treadmill, or 30 minutes callanetics), I found that yes, I'm still ready for breakfast almost immediately, but I'm not getting that super tired feeling anymore after exercising.  I still haven't discovered the (exercise makes me so happy) feeling but I might get there!  This was a necessity that I have fit in and isn't really a smart option to remove from the schedule.

So I really need to "tidy" up the schedule.  Hubby has since started a part time job at a state park.  This is great because we'll have a little extra income coming in the summer when the substitute teaching well is dry.  But it's one more thing on the schedule and he only gets those weekly... so planning ahead may be a challenge.

I KNOW I'm not the only one in this boat.   Not only am I physically tired, I'm tired of being too tired to enjoy things in most of my spare time or being too tired to even thing of what might be enjoyable in our spare time.

I miss being creative in the kitchen.  I love to cook and create new recipes and share them here, but the desire to get through the week in one pieces has overridden that creative spark in me.  The other issue I have faced which grieves me the most, is that although my almost 3 hours of the day, spent in the car to drive to work, are spent with Christian sermons, leadership podcasts, and only positive stuff... I miss having quiet time with the Lord.  How did I get THAT out of balance.  I mean, I'm with Him, and stop to pray often during my drive, but I've got to focus on the road too.  I do pray throughout the day, but I used to be a faithful journaler.  I'd get up every morning, sit in my prayer chair, read some scripture, then journal.

This is not a post that gives you the tips on how I've arrived at a perfect balance with life like everyone around me seems to have done.  This is actually a post that is asking for YOUR tips.    Maybe I'll get some good ideas from y'all and we can create a help post for other folks out there struggling with balance!

Things I've considered and tried

Using a Planner:
I need to actually utilize the planner that I purchase every year.  I was off to a good start, but April got lost.  I mean really lost!    Hubby and I plan to sit down this month and look at our schedules to make sure EVERYTHING is on there. (white space so we can be quiet and sit with the Lord, together time with no distractions, my spare jobs times, his time to work on his woodworking, my time to work on my business, his time to speak with his family, rest -(is it sad we need to put rest on our calendars?).  My problem.  I'm spontaneous and the planner has always seemed so stifling.  (reality... I'm not that organized).

Meal Planning:
Ordering ready made delivery meals for 1 or 2 days a week.  I think Freshly is one of the overpriced services that it's ready to pop in the microwave.  I don't want a meal kit.  I can prepare stuff on my own on days I have time.  Any recommendations here?  I do normally plan our meals ahead and cook larger meals to plan leftovers, but sometimes the week can run you more than you run it and that big meal gets delayed a day or two.  My ego is hard on this one too because I feel like it's a cop out since I do really enjoy cooking and I could take more of my 1 day off a week to work in the kitchen, but choose not to.  Although pricey, I think taking my 1 day off for a DAY OFF is a smarter use of that time.

Accountability:
Really sitting down with someone to find some order in the chaos and finding out what exactly my priorities and goals are.  If I drill down with someone, maybe I can find out what am I spinning my wheels on and what needs to be a keeper.  Right now everything seems like keepers.  I'm just finding I'm not physically capable of keeping it all without order.

Changing errand day:
I am blessed to work from home 1 day a week.  We've started disciplining ourselves to make that grocery shopping and errand night since once I finish work... I'm home and we have a few hours before supper to get some stuff done.  This has freed up our "off work" time so we aren't so worn out after Sunday to start the week.

That's all I've got!

YOUR turn!

Please help by commenting or emailing me.  

Maybe I should be taking my own advice!

10 Ways That I Manage Stress

The view from our deck.  I love to sit and stare at this view.  It's a great way for me to relieve stress!  Photo by me!

As Christmas quickly approaches it seems stress levels rise just as quickly!  Our pace quickens as the deadlines of multiple gatherings approach, gifts need to be purchased, and budgets are tight!  Or is this just me that gets even more stressed this time of year?

Well this year, I put my foot down on not stressing as much as possible.  How did we do that?  It wasn't easy for my husband who still hasn't ditched his people pleasing.  I on the other hand burned out and got physically sick this year, so I started setting boundaries and have quit trying to keep people liking me by making them happy.  While I'm in recovery from burn out, being a people pleaser, and being on a medication that depleted my potassium levels enough to display months of symptoms, I decided that I really don't care if people don't like me anymore because I am not making them happy.  I'm flipping tired! Hate to break it to everyone, but I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own. No one is breaking their neck and tiring themselves out to make me happy.  I wouldn't want them to #1, but #2... I'm responsible for my own happiness!  duh!

Okay... that sort of sounded like a rant.  Maybe it was.  But managing stress, the tail end of this year, started with me letting everyone know that I was NOT hostessing Thanksgiving or Christmas on the actual holidays.  Our kids weren't going to be able to come, so why should we be obligated to host unless we wanted to?  Especially when I was recovering.  Hostessing is not my gift so not only is cooking a beautiful meal tiring, cleaning tiring, but making sure everyone is enjoying themselves ridiculously tiring.  Let's not even talk about not having matching plates for more than 4 people, no cloth napkins and a few old stained tablecloths.  Getting the house cleaned when your husband leaves a dust cloud and a trail of clutter no matter where he goes.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

So wait... how am I managing stress as best as possible?  Here's a few practical tips that have helped me manage high stress.

1.  Eat well
I try not to stress my body out needlessly.  Eating well means that I keep my carb intake low (foods that turn to sugar), that I'm avoiding sugar and limiting alcohol and caffeine. LIMITING... don't go crazy not getting caffeine if you need it, just have your cup in the morning and limit any more caffeine intake the rest of the day.  It can raise blood pressure.  The same for alcohol.  Have a glass of wine, but too much can raise blood pressure and dehydrate the body.

2.  Get physical
Going for a walk, even just the 15 minute break walk at work really helps blow off steam.  I was so excited to get a treadmill at the Goodwill recently and I've been actually enjoying getting on the treadmill and old elliptical.  I actually got mad at my hubby yesterday because he had so many things for me to do and he didn't do the things I asked him to, so I had to do those too and didn't have enough time to get on the treadmill.  By the time I sat down and said, I need at least 15 minutes for me, it was 9:15 pm.  Very much too late to exercise.  You know what?  Not getting that little bit of physical movement in really set my mood sourly.  Ha ha.  Lesson learned (for both of us) that this is a very important stress management tool.

3.  Relaxation techniques 
Whatever works for you to relax, do it!  I need quiet sometimes.  Other times I need to be outside.  Some other times, I just need to sit next to my hubby and snuggle.  I need to not be shopping or around people in order to relax.  If reading relaxes you, or listening to music, or mediation please make sure you set aside a little bit of time every day or at least every other day to relax.    I personally don't think electronics count as relaxing time because the screen can actually be stimulating and can maybe create an undercurrent of stress.  Just do it!

4.  Supplementation 
Keeping my diet in check is a big part of maintaining good nutrition which helps me manage stress.  Another part is high quality supplementation.  I take plant based supplements.  If an acute stress need arises, I just take a little extra.

5.  Journal
I find writing and journaling therapeutic.  Hence, this blog.  But sometimes it needs to be private as to what is bothering me.  Putting it down in a notebook or a journal helps me process and go deeper to the root cause of what is bothering me.  It helps me pinpoint what I need to heal in my heart to move forward and get out of my stress state.

6.  Prayer
After I've pinpointed a root cause, prayer is where I can really get to my healing and feel better.  The peace of God really does surpass all understanding.  With this, reading devotionals and the Bible are amazing ways to destress.

7.  Just say "no"!
I'm serious.  I'm struggling with really putting the people pleasing to rest for good.  You know, you can follow the biblical principle of loving others above yourself but not drowning in works to please everyone.  Just stop it and say no to activities that you really don't have the time and energy for and worst yet, activities that you don't even like because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.  I promise they'll get over it if you can't go and your honest about why.  And if they don't get over it, then you don't need them.  God has more for you in the form of friends that are not energy and time vampires.  Just sayin'.

8.  Prioritize and manage time
Covey's time management matrix is a great way to break down your time to avoid burn out.  There are a ton of articles in Google and Pinterest to explain how to use it, but here's what it looks like:

9.  Talk to someone

If your mind is cluttered by stress, finding a trusted friend, co-worker, or professional to speak with may help.  I have a limited few that I can talk with, but my intention is to get myself in check.  These trusted friends will gently let me know if I'm out of line and lead me to where I need to be praying and seeking God.  If you do talk with someone, please ask them if they have time to talk to you about something, before you verbally vomit on them.  Those hearing of your stress are willing to help, but it can be tiring to them to hear what all is going on, so please be conscientious of their time and energy.  Also seek out those that you can trust to slap you upside the head if needed.  Sometimes our stress is self-induced and we just need to get ourselves off of our minds.  But if you are seriously stressed or in a depressive state, please see a doctor and speak with a professional.  There's no shame in getting help!

10.  Rest!

Once we learn to say "no" and manage our time, we can get much needed rest which will in turn, help us cope better with our stressors.  Turn off electronics early, turn off the tv and go crawl in bed with a good book or calming sounds.  Your body needs the quiet and rest.  

I hope this helps you out or at least distracted you long enough for your current stressors so you could relax a little.  I'm not a professional in any way but these activities have helped me a lot.  

What are some tips that help you de-stress?  Please share in the comments! 

Healing Chicken Noodle Soup

Okay... I'm on day 6 of the flu.  I'm still running a fever.  It's the worst week to miss work.  Yay me! But amidst dozing, changing "Sliders" episodes on Netflix, and putting my robe on and off (hot, cold, hot, cold) I've been inspired to blog some.

I was at work the day I started getting sick and since I made this on day 2 of feeling like poo (hey, that rhymes), I didn't put my all into this.  I made it the best I could in hopes of the garlic, onion, and broth would do their thing and make us feel better.

The problem is that after I made this soup, honey and I were too sick to really eat.  We never could get much of this in us.  Maybe a half a cup at a time and honey sometimes passed on it completely.  He's only started eating more the past 2 days.  So although, this should be a healing recipe, it didn't really help us this time because we hardly ate any of it.

Here's the quick homemade recipe with a picture of the final product.  It was my lunch today, but I could only eat about 1/4 of.  But Baby dog got to enjoy a little taste.

I have to admit, this could have looked better too if I hadn't felt so bad.  I got feeling weak part way through shredding the chicken, so it's half chunked, half shredded.  ha ha... also I couldn't stand slicing the onions so I stopped at 2.  I put noodles in it because honey likes the noodles.  I wish now, that I had not even added noodles since he hardly ate any.  I completely forgot celery, but I don't really like cooked celery anyway.  If you forget it, I think they make celery seasoning if you have that.

Healing Chicken Noodle Soup
Ingredients:
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2 cartons low sodium chicken broth (reserve 3/4 of 2nd Carton)
1 package of carrots (I used Bolthouse organic carrot chips) 12 oz.
2 celery bits or seasoning for flavor
1 tbsp of Better than Bullion
Pink Himalayan Salt to taste
pepper to taste
2 large sweet onions or 3 medium
fresh garlic (as much as you can stand)
olive oil
noodles of choice (optional)



Put the chicken breasts in your stock pot and cover with filtered water.  Bring to a boil and reduce heat and cover for about 30 minutes to cook the chicken and create a broth base.

While the chicken cooks, gather the rest of your ingredients, slice your onions as you please and peel and chop about 8 garlic cloves.

Go ahead and throw 4 whole cloves in the pot while the chicken simmers.  Chop the other cloves and put in a small fry pan with olive oil and brown it over medium low heat to bring the flavor out more.

Once the chicken is done, remove from pot, shred, then put back in pot.

Add the rest of your ingredients.

If adding noodles, I added about 4 small hand fulls (my hands are small!).  I still had too many noodles it for us.

Add 1 carton of chicken broth, keep your pot on a simmer temperature, put the lid on it and go take a nap!

In a few hours, your soup will be done and may need a bit more broth and possibly salt and pepper. The noodles soak up the broth and it can hardly look like soup after spending the night in the fridge.  So keep your reserved broth handy.

Enjoy and feel better!

I Miss You Mom - Grief Never Ends

Grief Never Ends

Mom's prayer box

Both of my parents left me too young. My father passed away in 2006 at age 67. My mother passed away in 2010 at age 68. Losing my father was a shock, in many ways.  Particularly being present and holding his hand as he walked into the arms of Jesus.  But there was no time to grieve as my mom quickly moved her parents in with us and we became caregivers to them over the next few years. During that time, my mother's health situation dramatically declined and there I was again...holding the hand of my other parent as she walked into the arms of Jesus.

All too young to leave their granddaughters. But that's another sad story (well, 3 stories)

The granddaughters, from L to R Holly, Kelly, Kristen 2013 at Kelly's high school graduation

I know I'm not the only person to lose a parent. I know I am not the youngest person to lose a parent...but my grief is unique. I grieve differently than my brother and differently than my sister. And that's okay. My grief symptoms range from a teary eyed spell coming out of nowhere to crying for a while when I see a photo or remember a time in my youth. I get sick this time of year, almost every year. My immune system gets weakened. My grief symptoms change throughout the years but are still present, and that's okay.

If you are grieving, my heart goes out to you.  No one truly understands unless they have lost too.

I'm grateful for my support system that prays for me and lets me, be me, during this time. I'm grateful they still love me afterwards. Mostly, I am grateful to not be an orphan. Father God is always with me.  

Prayer for my family and me:  I pray that we will feel His love around us today and every day.  That He would strengthen us, give us His peace and rest, and protect our health and loved ones.  That He would encamp His angels around us.  I pray that we would daily express our gratitude to Him and how He's always there for us, blessed us, and taken care of us.  In the mighty name of Jesus, Amen!

Me and my dad in 1989 at my brother's wedding.  

My mom and me in 2009, just days after her 68th birthday.