This is not a complaint or a whiny post! Please keep reading. =)
So, those around me have known that I have been sick for quite sometime. This has been particularly hard for me as I live in mortal fear of calling in sick, being sick, being around sick people, etc.
Anyway... I'm going on day 50 of running a fever or elevated temp and the crap feeling along with it like: having swollen glands, aches, and exhaustion. This has been my worst illness ever. I had mono in college, that was 2nd worst. I feel like cussing, crying, complaining... but I haven't done that at all (just kidding). I'll say it... this is bullship, I've been known to whine and get frustrated, but I kept it to a minimum (hubby got the brunt of my storm). My bff (hubby), my brother and sister, my bff in Costa Rica, and my dear work friends know my most complaints and strong desire to be well again. I was out of the office for a whole month! But praise God I was able to work from home and out of that month used about 50 hours of sick time (not the 160 hours I probably should have used) . I probably didn't do myself any favors by not completely resting, but I can't not work! And I also have a hard time asking my co-workers to do my job. As it is, my team stepped in a few times and really helped my missionaries and had to help me with paperwork for a department not completely paperless yet. I'm SO grateful.
BUT... can I share that my time at home, by myself, was just what I needed! Some self discovery is always a good thing (good or bad). I was able to play praise and worship while I worked. I could work in my slippers and under a blanket. I even got a fire on days my hubby was home. (little things that gave me joy while I was feeling so horrible). But my time with God was solid. He put me in a wilderness to prepare me for what's coming next in my life. The warfare has been intense, but so was the presence of my amazing Father God. Even more self-discovery ensued over this month at home and along with that, deep repentance.
This season has not left me unscathed, but I remained unmoved from my God, my redeemer.
Shaken, not stirred.
To get this a bit lighter and to be an encouragement, I created a little list of some random revelations while I was home and the month of February went by me. I know that God knew I could handle this and did this for my good. He revealed truths to me and showed me to not have doubts on how tight we are.
Random revelations during my quiet few weeks:
- I can't thrive in a noisy or negative environment
- I love antiquing for HOURS (can't wait to hit it this spring)
- I enjoy car rides with honey and my daughter that involve fun and deep conversations. I also enjoy when times are quiet because I'm with them.
- I have to really be in the mood to shop (random shopping) and that mood rarely strikes. (it strikes in the form of grocery because I'm hungry and of course when it's to go antiquing)
- I'm an ambivert (it's a thing) but I keep testing as an extrovert. I refresh with quiet and solitude as well as external sources of nature and music. I can, at times, draw energy from legitimately energetic people and people on fire for Jesus.
- I have been blessed with a pretty strong gift of discernment. I thought I had kinda lost the gift or was missing it. Discernment doesn't always feel like a blessing, but my spirit knows. My first impressions are usually correct, I feel the general atmosphere (like if the stress level is high within a group, I feel it and it weighs me down big time, when people come to me to vent, I discern what's deeper) it's exhausting. I know when people are lying or not being up front with me, and if I feel like people are speaking crap about me, I'm usually correct. God allowed many confirmations over the past 6 weeks of things I was "feeling" in my spirit. He confirmed that I still have it and that I'm hearing from Him.
- I re-read this and I'm in dire need of rest to get better. This cuckoo is OVER the flu.
See my most recent update from 7/4/18 if you're interested HERE
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| STILL! |
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