Fear of Flying

Flying in to NYC December 2019

The last time I flew was to my grandmother's funeral in January of 2002!  That's a lot of years ago.  I also didn't have great experiences my last flights to anywhere.

We flew through a turbulent storm, coming home from my grandmother's and experienced my first panic attack along with immense motion sickness.  Luckily I only turned white and never green.  The next flights after this were back to where my grandmother lived but it was for her funeral.  Sigh...

Why am I writing about this.  I don't know.... therapy maybe?  We were gifted with airline tickets to NYC.  My stepson and his girl are there and we were invited to stay with them and enjoy some time in NYC!  My first trip there.   My daughter has been there, my husband lived there years ago, and then there's me.  

We had the tickets for a while and nerves continued to build regarding the trip.  Then my nerves skyrocketed after a really sore foot for the months of September and October. The result, a stress fracture diagnosis on 10/31/19.  Our trip to NYC was scheduled for 12/27/19!  So now there was the increased nerves of what condition will my foot be in by then?

I'm victorious and the terrible anxiety and panic attacks I suffered from for years have not been an issue for me the past few years.  PRAISE GOD... but here I was, sort of thinking I needed an emergency kit for the trip.  So I went to the doctor and asked for 4 xanax pills for 'just in case'.  

Well, unfortunately, our flight was leaving Atlanta at 6 am and we live about 2 hours from the airport and we still needed to get our car settled in an offsite long term parking lot.  Since we needed to leave for the airport around 1:30am... we pulled an all nighter.  NOT SMART.

We listened to worship music on the way into town and then we started getting sleepy about half way to Atlanta.  Getting caffeine in the middle of the night was probably not the best idea and I should have stuck to just being in prayer mode.  Being over tired by the time we got to the Atlanta airport just intensified my nerves.  I was doing okay until.... I had to go to the restroom and ended up walking to every restroom in the north and south terminals to find them ALL CLOSED for cleaning.  AT THE SAME TIME.  Not a good place to be.  So I started a bit of a panic attack.  I felt so defeated.  One of the restrooms finally opened and I unfortunately got ill from the nerves.  I'm even more defeated.  So... as I finally returned from a 30 minute bathroom trip (due to the tons of walking back and forth trying to find an open restroom), my anxious husband thought I got kidnapped or something (I left my phone on our table at IHOP thinking I would only be gone 5 minutes).  So there I was... trembling, feeling like a failure, and trying to get my xanax bottle open.  I took 1/2 of one and then we continued to go check in our bags.  I started the light hyper ventilating.  It was embarrassing.  My hubby was stressed too, but gently tried to calm me down.  

Then comes the mean strip search (I mean security check).  Of course I did it wrong because they are yelling at you the long list of stuff to take out of your carry on, while you are trying to take off  your shoes and pretty much finish the list after you have already sent your bin on.  So after an additional search of my purse by the not so sweet security people... I was a sweaty, nervous wreck.  

I took the other 1/2 of the xanax.  

Feeling more like a defeated failure.

Once we finally boarded and realized how tight airplanes are now, I freaked!  I ended up taking 2 fast dissolve dramamines and a nausea pill.  

I took about a 30 minute nap on our 2 and a half hour flight and while I passed out my poor hubby started having a restless legs attack.  What a pair we were.  

Luckily, when we arrived at my stepson;os, he had planned a low key day.  Good thing as I was so over medicated, all I did was roll around and fall asleep on his couch all day/evening/night.  How embarrassing.  

We ended up having a great trip even though my foot was still in intense pain as I somehow managed to get a secondary injury to my foot at the beginning of December.  But we loved spending time with my stepson, meeting his girl, seeing the sights, walking more steps than I should have, and just being together.  

How did the trip home go?  Well, we had a full night's sleep prior to leaving, the trip from my stepson's apartment to the airport was only 15 minutes (terrifying though), and check in was far less stressful.  The airplane wasn't full and although the flight was somewhat turbulent, I was fine.  

So how does fear of flying end? Not sure when we'll go back to NYC to see my stepson, but I believe we're looking into a longer trip and taking the train or possibly flying out of Greenville, SC rather than Atlanta.  

Also, I'm still victorious even though I panicked.  I do believe lack of sleep didn't help and the fact that my discernment is so strong that I felt everyone's anxiety in the Atlanta airport.  It is just a really stressful airport although you do feel pretty safe there, ironically.

I'm not going to let this incident get the better of me.  I can overcome this setback.  I'm not saying that I'll fly anywhere, anytime soon but I'll prepare better on the front side with better flight scheduling for times and place.  Also making sure I've eaten and I'm not over tired.  

Do you fly often?  What are your best tips to have a stress free experience?  

Please share in the comments!!