Fear of Flying

Flying in to NYC December 2019

The last time I flew was to my grandmother's funeral in January of 2002!  That's a lot of years ago.  I also didn't have great experiences my last flights to anywhere.

We flew through a turbulent storm, coming home from my grandmother's and experienced my first panic attack along with immense motion sickness.  Luckily I only turned white and never green.  The next flights after this were back to where my grandmother lived but it was for her funeral.  Sigh...

Why am I writing about this.  I don't know.... therapy maybe?  We were gifted with airline tickets to NYC.  My stepson and his girl are there and we were invited to stay with them and enjoy some time in NYC!  My first trip there.   My daughter has been there, my husband lived there years ago, and then there's me.  

We had the tickets for a while and nerves continued to build regarding the trip.  Then my nerves skyrocketed after a really sore foot for the months of September and October. The result, a stress fracture diagnosis on 10/31/19.  Our trip to NYC was scheduled for 12/27/19!  So now there was the increased nerves of what condition will my foot be in by then?

I'm victorious and the terrible anxiety and panic attacks I suffered from for years have not been an issue for me the past few years.  PRAISE GOD... but here I was, sort of thinking I needed an emergency kit for the trip.  So I went to the doctor and asked for 4 xanax pills for 'just in case'.  

Well, unfortunately, our flight was leaving Atlanta at 6 am and we live about 2 hours from the airport and we still needed to get our car settled in an offsite long term parking lot.  Since we needed to leave for the airport around 1:30am... we pulled an all nighter.  NOT SMART.

We listened to worship music on the way into town and then we started getting sleepy about half way to Atlanta.  Getting caffeine in the middle of the night was probably not the best idea and I should have stuck to just being in prayer mode.  Being over tired by the time we got to the Atlanta airport just intensified my nerves.  I was doing okay until.... I had to go to the restroom and ended up walking to every restroom in the north and south terminals to find them ALL CLOSED for cleaning.  AT THE SAME TIME.  Not a good place to be.  So I started a bit of a panic attack.  I felt so defeated.  One of the restrooms finally opened and I unfortunately got ill from the nerves.  I'm even more defeated.  So... as I finally returned from a 30 minute bathroom trip (due to the tons of walking back and forth trying to find an open restroom), my anxious husband thought I got kidnapped or something (I left my phone on our table at IHOP thinking I would only be gone 5 minutes).  So there I was... trembling, feeling like a failure, and trying to get my xanax bottle open.  I took 1/2 of one and then we continued to go check in our bags.  I started the light hyper ventilating.  It was embarrassing.  My hubby was stressed too, but gently tried to calm me down.  

Then comes the mean strip search (I mean security check).  Of course I did it wrong because they are yelling at you the long list of stuff to take out of your carry on, while you are trying to take off  your shoes and pretty much finish the list after you have already sent your bin on.  So after an additional search of my purse by the not so sweet security people... I was a sweaty, nervous wreck.  

I took the other 1/2 of the xanax.  

Feeling more like a defeated failure.

Once we finally boarded and realized how tight airplanes are now, I freaked!  I ended up taking 2 fast dissolve dramamines and a nausea pill.  

I took about a 30 minute nap on our 2 and a half hour flight and while I passed out my poor hubby started having a restless legs attack.  What a pair we were.  

Luckily, when we arrived at my stepson;os, he had planned a low key day.  Good thing as I was so over medicated, all I did was roll around and fall asleep on his couch all day/evening/night.  How embarrassing.  

We ended up having a great trip even though my foot was still in intense pain as I somehow managed to get a secondary injury to my foot at the beginning of December.  But we loved spending time with my stepson, meeting his girl, seeing the sights, walking more steps than I should have, and just being together.  

How did the trip home go?  Well, we had a full night's sleep prior to leaving, the trip from my stepson's apartment to the airport was only 15 minutes (terrifying though), and check in was far less stressful.  The airplane wasn't full and although the flight was somewhat turbulent, I was fine.  

So how does fear of flying end? Not sure when we'll go back to NYC to see my stepson, but I believe we're looking into a longer trip and taking the train or possibly flying out of Greenville, SC rather than Atlanta.  

Also, I'm still victorious even though I panicked.  I do believe lack of sleep didn't help and the fact that my discernment is so strong that I felt everyone's anxiety in the Atlanta airport.  It is just a really stressful airport although you do feel pretty safe there, ironically.

I'm not going to let this incident get the better of me.  I can overcome this setback.  I'm not saying that I'll fly anywhere, anytime soon but I'll prepare better on the front side with better flight scheduling for times and place.  Also making sure I've eaten and I'm not over tired.  

Do you fly often?  What are your best tips to have a stress free experience?  

Please share in the comments!!

Are You a Day Dreamer and a Night Thinker? Sleeplessness Sucks!

SLEEP!  Oh how we all need it so much!  Many factors come into play as to what prevents us from sleeping well.  FOMO (fear of missing out), working night shifts, health conditions, worry, anxiety, over indulging, being a single parent, having a newborn, or not making sleep a priority to name a few!

I spent YEARS as an insomniac.  Mine started when I was pregnant.  My first marriage was crumbling, I was uncomfortable, and had to tinkle like every 30 minutes.  Just when I thought I might sleep again, a newborn needing only 20 minute power naps hit my scene.  After that... divorce, anxiety, depression.  Then again, just as I started sleeping again, GRIEF!  My father passed away, midnight phone calls started as my aging grandparents were declining, then they moved in and then more grief as Grandpa passed away, then Grandma, and then finally my mother.  All of this over a 4 year period.  Just when I thought I'd start sleeping again, apartment life in the form of upstairs neighbors along with a teenage daughter and all the joy that brings.  Just when I thought I'd start sleeping again, I remarried!  This brought the joy of another non-sleeper and restless legs into my life.

I was flipping T I R E D!  After over 20 years of getting no restful or healing sleep, I was a mess.  Anxiety liked to rear it's ugly head as did silly insecurities and just plain irrational fears and thoughts.  Not sleeping will literally mess you up!

I mentioned I remarried a non-sleeper.  Poor thing had developed restless legs in his late 30's and had been struggling with sleeping well or for more than a few hours every night.  He must have woken up every hour and a half or so.  Not enough to get that dreamy REM sleep we all need.  So after we married, on upstairs neighbor quiet nights, I was awakened as hubby awoke (I'm a very light sleeper).  The movement of the restlessness legs don't bother me, it's just hearing him get up to get a snack, a drink, play solitaire on his tablet is what wakes me.

As I was recovering from my daughter's teenage years, moving on from grief, and really seeking the Lord for healing of anxiety I was so ready to sleep.  Honey was taking Ambien on a nightly basis for over a year.  That stuff is horrible!  I took it here and there but my GP would not let me have more than 10 at a time and I took 1/2 a pill if I took it (usually after 5 or more days of poor sleep).  When we first got married, honey was still waking after taking Ambien and he was sleep eating.  He put on about 20 pounds the first 2 years that I knew him before we married and right after.  We both put on weight after we married.  Yeah, maybe some was bliss, but I am sure lack of good sleep played a big role.

So... I think I've painted a good picture of our crappy sleep for the past several years.  But then I got really, really sick this past January.  While I was home sick, social media was my main company for a month.  I was also tiring of my lack of progress with the current direct selling company I was with, the leadership being inconsistent and using shaming and the law of attraction (not my direct upline - I love her still), and the company really not making it any advantage to be a customer or rep.  We still love the products and use them, but again, I began researching for a new MLM to supplement our income.

I had been praying and searching and I came across an insta friend named Judy in my feed that I had seen promoting a few MLM companies over the previous 2 years.  One was a wine club.  So I reached out to her and asked her if she was making any money from it.  She said "NO!" but was currently with another MLM and was having a crazy successful go with it.  Then she started telling me about the product!  I was amazed at all of the medical benefits and testimonies with the use of CBD oil!  I was a bit hesitant due to the stigma associated with this, but she  helped me understand  how pure this product is, non GMO, organically grown hemp in Kentucky, and LEGAL.  NO high, all health!  I got over myself quickly in order to get my husband some relief and sleep.

I totally signed up and bought our first bottle of Hempworx CBD Oil and got my husband on them right away!  I mean, it was only $20 to start my business with or after the purchase of his drops and there was a 30 day money back guarantee on the product.  I had nothing to lose and everything to gain at that point.

First, I was shocked at how quickly the shipment arrived, how lovely of a lady and new friend that I had made in Judy, and just the sweet  and humble spirits in our leadership.  NO SHAMING as a form of "motivation".  Just consistent and useful training!

My 2nd shock came about 2 or 3 days after my husband started using the drops.  He started slow with about 5 drops under his tongue morning and then again at night.  But then this happened day 3... He rested better than ever and all through the night!!  Then another night, then another night!  HOLY CRAP!!! He's resting incredibly well!  Praise God!  I still cry tears of joy when I share this as I thought I'd sleep again when I was dead.  Oh! how wonderful it is to hear him in deep rest.  It's also helping with the pain.  We won't even know what else it may be helping with his health until his annual check up this summer.

All this to say, if you are also a day dreamer and a night thinker or you could benefit by finding calm,  healthier skin, reduced pain, improved cardiovascular health, improved cartilage and joint functions, healthier energy levels, healthier digestion, more stable moods, healthier immune functions, healthier blood sugar, and improved focus and clarity, let's talk!

I'd love to hear your sleep and health testimonies too with this amazing product!  I'm an encourager by nature and want to help people be the best they can be.  I'm a caregiver so I'm ready to help the world feel better 10 drops at a time!

Read me

Emotions

Emotions are interesting.  As a woman, I have all of them, and sometimes all within a 5 minute time span.

So far today, it’s 9am and I’ve had several… let’s go through a few.

Tired:  I didn’t even hear the 4:30 am alarm, woke up to honey waking me up to the 4:45 am alarm.  I think the first words out of my mouth were, “I love you.” To honey.  I’m not really sure.  Fridays are our most energy challenged day of the week.

Disappointment:  This is my big one today.

• I’m disappointed in a very recent financial set back.  It’s not only disappointing to look at my checkbook balance, but it’s due to an error that I didn’t make and with a company that I’ve had a long standing relationship with.  I don’t blame the agent, but the company won’t make the situation right.  It’s always sad to sever ties, but it’s going to have to happen so I can stay in the black a little every month.  You know, being a grown up and being responsible just doesn’t pay, literally.
• I’m disappointed that the first disappointment is confirmation that I need to change some summer plans.  Much to my heart’s dismay, but we just can’t afford it.  I’ll be letting some folks, that I care about, down but it doesn’t mean that I love them any less.  Of course now I need to be the big girl and let them know.  =(
• I’m disappointed that we were going to have visitors to our home and excited to have fun but because of a family situation with honey’s family, I have to cancel that!  Ugh.  

Excitement:  I’m thrilled that as of today, honey and I bought our first home together.  I love our foot hills home and I can’t wait to fix it up more and then decide if and when we’ll move further “up the hill” to a real mountain home.  =)  This location seems like a teaser.

Concern:  This one is on a “professional” note.  Honey and I do an awful lot of driving and this is probably the biggest contributor to emotion #1 of Tired.  But there is a possibility that honey’s next year commutes might be a bit less as one of his extra jobs might be confirming it’s time to retire.  I’m disappointed for him as he enjoys this job, but I’m thrilled I’ll have him home more and on the road less!  I also have some other concerns professionally, but I’m not even sure how to put these concerns into coherent words… so that means prayer time for me so it’s no longer a concern.

Anxiety:  This seems to be my biggest super power.

Joy:  I’m so blessed!  I love that honey loves me and treats me beautifully and is open and honest.  He’s sentimental in his way and romantic in his way, but it’s authentic which blesses me more than you can imagine.

Pride:  My daughter is amazing.  ‘nuff said.

Welp, it’s 9:30am and that’s about it on my emotions.  Unless hungry is one.

Have a great day!

5 Things Only Worry Warts Understand

5 Things only worry warts understand...

Ever wondered where the term worry wart originated?  Me neither, but if you are curious there a few interesting sites to check out.  I think one was called Word Detective.

On my journey to stop being such a worry wart... this is what I discovered about me that I feel may be universal to worriers.  Thankfully I worry much less than I used to, but it's like an addiction or bad habit... so re-wiring my hard drive has been a fun challenge. 

1.  You overthink everything.  Think, think, worry, worry, think, think, dwell.  Snapping out of it rarely happens quickly.  I would spend more time thinking of what I'm worrying about then getting my butt in gear to just handle it.  Seriously, I would feel better when I would just defeat my giant and get it out of my way.

2.  Because you overthink everything, you can't make a decision
It still takes me forever to decide on what I want to eat a restaurant.  Even ones I go to often and I'm familiar with their menu.  Basically I'm indecisive everywhere... for fear of making a bad decision.

3.  You have trouble dealing with mistakes you make.  If I make an error at work, or forget to email someone back, gosh, I  will feel bad about it for days.  Sometimes if a reminder pops back up, It'll remind me that I still feel badly about it, even though I have since accepted responsibility for the mistake and corrected it.

4.  You process situations way too far into the future and have a hard time backtracking to reality, thus causing great anxiety.  This almost explains itself, but about 4 years ago I had a mammogram scheduled and before they let me leave, they took me to a consultation room.  While the doctor was talking to me and explaining what my next steps were, I had already processed that my re-marriage wouldn't happen, I needed to make sure my will was updated, etc.  Then I found myself in the reality of surgery a few weeks later and on my way to being discharged back to annual mammograms rather than every 6 months.  What happened during that break in time that I had worried myself?  I lost a few weeks of my life, worrying about things I couldn't control anyway.

5.  You drive your spouse crazy unintentionally.
My husband is concerned to tell me things because he knows I'll find some way to worry about it.

I must admit, that I have gotten better, I think my husband will agree.  I'm determined to not make this a life long struggle and keep missing out on life because I worry so much.

Coping:  It's been hard, but I have noticed that I will start to worry and the dwelling and processing is much better.  I don't stay in Worryland as long as I used to.  I am training myself to go to the Lord as soon as possible.  This has helped tremendously.  My prayer is for the Lord to help me recognize, as soon as possible, when I am heading to Worryland and to help me seek Him in that dark place and put my trust back in Him, not my circumstances.

Additional Coping:  Sitting and staring at something beautiful is a huge way for me to relax! Listening to music helps me wind down and recharge in a healthy way too.

My Sanctuary (the view from my back deck), when I need to sit and stare!

My parents may have wired us kids to be worry warts, but I'm in the process of rewiring and rebooting my hard drive.  God has been faithful to be with me, even though I'm annoying.  He's also blessed me with a husband who is gentle with me as he understands this is all deep rooted in fear. His gentleness and understanding is helping me be more courageous.

Do you struggle with worry?  I'm so sorry if you do.  What are some ways you cope?  Do you ever feel like you are the only person that really worries this much?