One of Those Days

Sigh...

Well, I listened to ziglar on my long journey home, walked Baby dog, got the chicken in the oven and took 20 minutes to sit and stare.

Sitting and staring is one of my favorite stress relievers. I reward myself from a worry filled and noisy day with silence and looking at beautiful things.

I end my staring and pray.

God is faithful. I'm so grateful for His love and grace.

Thank you Lord, that my future is in Your hands.

Photo by Tracy Hilbun

Positive Thinking

I'm not generally a negative person, but I worry a lot!  Maybe that does make me negative... =(

This morning, while driving into work, I caught myself worrying about my busy day at work and really dreading going in more than normal.  As I caught myself, I tried to consciously change that thought to... "it will be fine, just relax, enjoy your day, life is good, and for goodness sake... PRAY ABOUT IT instead of worrying and dreading it.  So.... here I am, smiling.  We've got one chance to enjoy this life.  I'm wasting it with worry about the future, our finances, my weight and health, work, the drive, our kids, etc.  

Sigh... this is going to be hard, but I really, really want to change my thought patterns and be healed of this fear and worry for good!  

God is sovereign!

I pray that you have a wonderful day.  If you struggle with worry, fear and anxiety, I feel you.  I'm praying for you too.  

another sleepless night

Well, here I am... awake again in the middle of the night.  It is time to pray.  Prayer is needed for many things all of the time, but I am needing some very specific direction for both Kelly and me.  I have asked others to pray for me on this, but have realized that I need to sit, be still, know.  

My head gets so noisy with the worries and distractions.  What if I hurt someone's feelings?  What if we make the wrong decisions?  Why are people so hurtful?  Why are we taken for granted?  Are my concerns valid or just part of this weird cycle of grief I am finally acknowledging?

I have basically stopped eating this week.  I haven't chosen to fast.  I just don't want to eat.  Maybe this is why I wake up with a headache around 2:30 am.   

I want to be excited about some possible changes in our lives, but fear and worry always send me back.  I am just done with certain things I see going on.  I don't understand recent things that have happened, and I don't think I ever will.  I am not motivated to help out like I used to because I feel so taken advantage of.  I am in over my head and very angry.  

But, I am a change is good person.  Change can be good for Kelly and it could be done for me.  I want to give in to the smiles I have had recently and admit these are butterflies, but again, fear is holding me back.  

Right now, I choose to give in to God's grace and leading.  I choose to get on my face before Him and openly share my heart and not just be silent because He already knows my heart.  I choose to be ready and available for the new paths that He will take Kelly and me on and I am ready to be excited and not scared.  I choose to embrace this life for the first time!