5 Things That We Tell Our Kids

Baby girl at her 2nd birthday.  Big smile and all with a fever.  Barney was coming! 

I wrote this post a year and a half ago.  As I re-read it, not much has changed other than our kids continue to soar higher.  I'll update you on the bottom!  

1.  I love you 

I’m an affectionate person by nature.  God created me that way.  I was so “in love” with my baby and I could not take my eyes off of her.  I was blessed to have had a little over 2 years at home with her, before my divorce from her father.  I think I told her, “I love you” about 100 times a day.  In quiet times, play times, meal times, crying times.  I still try to tell her that I love her at least once a day, even if it’s via text.  It’s hard to keep up with 21 year olds when they are working, going to school, and growing up! 

I hear my husband tell his son too that he loves him as he ends every phone call or text.  My step son is even harder to track down as he’s in his later 20’s and lives even farther away from us. 

2.  I'm proud of you 

I learned from Kelly’s toddler years, that she is a positive reinforcement child.  Now, she didn’t get trophies or stickers for just breathing or showing up… but potty training with a fun sticker chart and lots of applause made for a potty trained toddler within a week.  So as she struggles with perfectionism (not sure where she gets that from at all! ha ha) I have continued to sincerely congratulate her when I can and let her know how proud I am of her.  Because of her struggles and fears, she has talked herself out of dance auditions on countless occasions.  Times like these are much to my dismay because I believe in her, her gift, and her hard work.  But recently I shared an audition date with her and said “please go” but left it at that.  I didn’t mention it again unless she asked.  The day of the audition arrived and I wasn’t sure if she worked up the courage to go.  I later saw on facebook that she was at the audition and pictured with some of her high school friends, also auditioning.  I was so excited and proud of her for just showing up… really… it was huge.  She was so brave to do this.  Auditioning is NOT easy.  She called us later that afternoon and said, “I got it!!!!”.  Of course I am proud of her for her future dance job, but her step dad and I both let her know how proud we were of her for taking the chance and just going. 

My step son is also an artist.  He’s a graduate of Point Park University and has spent the past few years in Chicago working his craft.  He has recently made a bold move to NYC with his fellow artist roommates.  We are so proud of him for this courageous move.  Again, it won’t be easy for him, but it’s a great testimony of confidence and faith. 

3.  It's your choice (decision)

This one is huge for the teenage years.  I don’t care who your kid is… the natural tendency is to blame the parents when “it” hits the fan and things don’t go right.  I learned to offer advice only when asked for and always ended it, but it’s your choice.  You can choose to blow all of your money on a tattoo, or you can hold on to it and enjoy a coffee treat here and there, a new outfit, a tank of gas… ha ha.  This has been not only a great tool, as they seek to be independent, but also so they learn to live with the decisions they make, good or bad.  They are responsible.  It has also been very freeing and stress relieving to me.  I just have to keep reminding myself, that Kelly has a good foundation provided by me and her trust in God.  She’s a big girl.  It’s okay to let our kids fail.  How else will they learn to make good choices unless they can pay the consequences or enjoy the reward! 

My honey is good to offer advice, when asked, to his son too.  But I have heard him end on numerous times, “you decide”, or something to that effect.  He knows how I feel about “making” Kelly do something and why I don’t.  It’s not a manipulation at all, it’s equipping her to be a responsible adult and making thoughtful decisions. 

4.  I'm praying for you 

I am praying for my girl this moment… hang on, I’ll be right back… Okay… I’m back.  She let me know she had another big day at school today and I let her know that I would pray for her.  So… I just did.  God’s got it.  She knows that I’m always going to pray for her.  I always have.  Not sure one of us would have survived high school and her freshman year of college had it not been for prayer. 

I’m not sure where my step son is in faith.  But I have let him know at least on one occasion, either on the phone or a text message (I can’t remember) that I was praying for him.  I know he was grateful.  But I pray for him often.  God’s got him too! 

5.  Don't give up on your dreams and make sure you don't have regrets of not trying. 

Many of us may have foregone our dreams and passions to do as our parents told us or expected of us.  I did… and I have since forgotten what my dreams and passions were and I have been struggling to find new dreams and passions as it’s too late for any of my old ones that I remember.  BUT… I have always encouraged Kelly to pursue her gifts and dreams and to not give up.  I don’t care what you think of me, but as a dancer, I tried to encourage her to post pone college and pursue dance her first year out of high school.  She gave into pressure from her friends to do the college thing.  But I think after a few years of me reminding her that dance cannot wait until your 40’s, but college can.  I’ve encouraged her to at least try so that she wouldn’t sit down one day and regret, that " I let fear keep from...",  "I waited too long to…", "I shoulda… ",  "I coulda…".  She’s now understanding how she’s supported and that youth doesn’t wait.  I am so proud for her to look back on her young years with no regrets which is unlike many of us who have many regrets. 

My honey just told my step son something similar.  I could hear the stress in Zach’s voice the last time I spoke with him.  I was sitting right next to his dad as they tied up the call.  “Dad, am I making a mistake?”.  Ugh… my heart.  WE DON’T KNOW if we’re even making mistakes in our own lives.  How are we supposed to direct our grown children?  EEK… but I love what honey told him.  He told him something to the effect of, "give it a shot, at least you’ll know you tried, and you won’t have any regrets that you never knew or what would have happened if…".  

I am so proud of both of our kids.  I can’t take any credit for my step son but that doesn’t stop me from loving him or being proud of him.  I’m so excited for him and what’s in store for him in NYC! 

And yes, I’m still obsessed and “in love” with my baby girl.  I’m proud of her and even though she’ll be a toddler in my eyes forever, it it’s awesome to see her blossom into a beautiful, young woman that loves with her whole heart and is following her dream. 

Kelly, me, and honey

Me, honey, and Zach

Update as promised 12/13/17!  

Zach is doing great!  As he's private like his dad, there's a lot I don't know.  But I do know they are moving steadily forward with their dream of a screenplay.  I'm so excited for him and his friends.  He's still in NYC and is thriving!    

Kelly is now 23 and dancing professionally for Royal Caribbean!  She is currently 2 months in to her 2nd contract with them.  This contract has been particularly excited as it started in the Mediterranean, has 2 transatlantic itineraries and ends in Europe after a time in the western Caribbean.  Wow!    Here's a pic of her in one of her costumes with her cast.  She's front and center!